Pondering

Honesty

2010-08-24T21:20:00.015-06:00

I want to be real, not phony, plastic or fake. I want to be honest not foolish. I want to be deep, kind, caring, understanding, merciful and compassionate, not short, judgmental, impatient and apathetic. I want to believe the best in people, rather than assume the worst, until proven otherwise. I want to take people at their word, unless they are proven deceptive.

"Some people will not tolerate such emotional honesty in communication. They would rather defend their dishonesty on the grounds that it might hurt others. Therefore, having rationalized their phoniness into nobility, they settle for superficial relationships." ~Author Unknown

It takes less thought, energy, and sincerity to make a meaningless long list of do's and don't's. It is the lazy and fearful way out, stunts the growth of true understanding and wisdom, and over time grows into a cold, calloused, uncaring monster with no logical boundaries to end the pursuit of more rules. This legalism is mostly only found to serve two purposes (though there are exceptions):

To relieve self from a guilty conscience or a consequence (real or perceived)- rather than truly caring about the heart the matter, God, or caring about others.
To use as a hammer to pound others with when they are found to be struggling through something in life.

This is much like staying in the shallow end of the pool all your life, you never really get wet, build strength, learn to swim, overcome fear, or learn courage. Oh, it is "safe"... at least it seems so.
Dive into the deep end, learn, grow, and build strength and skill. Find a little risk in life. Spend time with the others who also do. There you will also find others who need plenty of help, and still others who can help you.

There are rules to life, commands from God, absolute truths, and lies of the enemy that deceive. I don't deny that, but legalism only protects the letter of law, and doesn't change the heart. My thought is to learn wisdom, get understanding, dig into the heart of the matter, learn more of God's heart. My major in life is to learn love and truth, to love true justice and mercy and stay humble, not stand in judgment. Walk with God, walk alongside others--- on equal ground, always checking myself and my own heart because of the love and fear of the Lord. All of this in honesty and sincerity, desiring the good things of the Lord, not merely a list of rules. Allowing God to change my heart, not just hand me a paper and pen so I can start making lists.

It's a lofty goal and life long exercise, and of course I have not arrived at the finish line, who has? Sometimes it's tempting to take the easy way out and make a list of rules, so I can check things off and feel accomplished, even if I don't understand why I just did all that. But this causes regression instead of progression. It tends to inflict pain and confusion into my life and often the lives of others. Lord, show me Your will, teach me your Word, and commands, that I could learn your heart, and possess the greatest gift of all... love.

He has shown you, O man, what is good;
And what does the LORD require of you
But to do justly,
To love mercy,
And to walk humbly with your God?

Do you ever want to quit?

2010-08-14T20:55:00.003-06:00

I found this article interesting, not because I know who the author of it is, I don't know who this guy is (never heard of him) not because I agree with his theology, I don't even know what his theology is.
All I know is, I have felt this exact way myself many many times, and I can relate to what this article says.
I like how it ends too- put your hope in Christ and in Christ alone, and God will take care of the rest....including the fellowship/friendship with others in your life. By "others" I mean those who hurt, judge and disappoint, as well as those who lift you, love you, help you, and walk by your side while you walk with Christ.
Christ is the one who gives us all we need, and we cannot boast in anything of ourselves.

I Wanted to Quit Too...
David Burchett
Author and Speaker

Author Anne Rice has kicked the cyber hornet's nest with her comments about "quitting" Christianity. Anne and I don't have a lot in common. She has millions of readers. I have tens of readers. Her books are best sellers. My second book apparently is harder to find than a popular Congressperson. But we share one big thing in common. I also thought about "quitting" the organized version of Christianity that we call church. I SERIOUSLY considered doing a home study on Sundays instead of dragging myself to the local assembly. I was convinced that Starbucks was a much more spiritual environment than a church. My spiritual crisis would not have made any headlines. Having had that personal journey through the desert I am now inclined to pray that Anne Rice will find a community of believers who will walk with her in grace and truth and not condemn her.

My friend Ed Underwood has a problem with stating his mind. He recently wrote about the Anne Rice comments in his wonderful Jesus Movement blog. First he quoted Rice's statement.

"My faith in Christ is central to my life. But following Christ is infinitely more important than following his followers."

And then he timidly responded.

If you take the time to read what she actually said and you're a devoted follower of Christ, you'll see that she's not giving up on Jesus. She's tired of the opinionated, I'm against everything, shame-messaged, cloistered in the white suburbs, take me back to the fifties Leave it To Beaver-but let me keep my money and comfort version of so-called evangelical Christianity that wore me out a long time ago.

I'm too old, too tired, and too sick to keep doing stuff that doesn't matter. I'm through with the silliness, the meanness, the fear, and the pettiness of the religious wardens.

Come on Ed. Have an opinion for heaven's sake!

My crisis of faith was my inability to separate Christ from Christians. Of course there are those in the church who are angry, wounded, mean, hypocritical, dishonest and fake. You may not have noticed but there is not a screening process to keep those people out. And they are pretty good at looking presentable when they come in the door. My family reunion would look a whole lot better if it was by invitation only. But when you get all of my relatives together you get some rough characters and a couple of great squirrel recipes. The body of Christ can not be anything but dysfunctional because it is a group of sinners in various stages of maturity in Christ or perhaps in no process of maturity at all.

But all I could see in my faith crisis were the hypocrites. The wounders. The gossipers. If I could have met Jesus at Starbucks I would have asked Him how he could love these jerks. I imagined it might go something like this. I am pretty sure that Jesus would order an extra shot Americano but I can't prove that from the text.

Jesus: So I have noticed that you are struggling a bit. We don't talk much anymore.
Me: Yeah. Your followers are making me crazy.
Jesus: Sometimes they make my heart ache too. For example, right now one of my children is missing all of the grace I want him to experience. He is missing the joy and freedom that I purchased for him. He is angry and proud and blind to his own sin. But I suffered the Cross for him. And I love him very much.
Me: (smirking) I bet he goes to my church.
Jesus: As a matter of fact he does. It's you.

That was my epiphany. I couldn't do it anymore. I needed Jesus. Following Christ is better than following His followers. But the truth is that I need that community as well. Trust me, I don't need all of them. But there is a sweet spot in the chaos that is called the room of grace. In that room are people who are tired of the self-efforting path to righteousness. There are people who look at your mess and are not repulsed. In fact they grab a towel and clean up the worst of it and promise to walk with you through the rest. They love you more instead of less as you share your junk. And you find yourself being drawn more to Christ and being effused with energy by their loving acceptance. That place does exist. I pray that Anne Rice finds it. I pray that you will find it too. Finding that room of grace saved me from quitting. I am so grateful that I found it. I give Paul the last word today…

Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. (Romans 5, NLT)

Dave Burchett

Let's Order Take-Out

2010-04-03T11:49:00.011-06:00

There is a Thai place down the street from my house that is to die for good. It's called Arharn Thai. I can't wait to eat there again. Coconut soup, Pad Thai rice noodles, a curry dish, or chicken satay, followed with sticky rice desert, it's heaven. Maria, when you come visit someday I will take you to that place.

But, while I could go on about this, there really is another purpose in this post, though I wanted to drool a little over thoughts of Asian foods. but what this post is really all about? I decided to hide the genuinely honest within the mundane, so only those who read this will see what's going on inside my heart. I have a need to be honest, real and sincere, and it isn't always pretty. It's not always a shiny-white sunshine Christian life. I want to express my struggles, but only to true friends. Yes, and some others may read this also, and it may even cause some embarrassment for me in those cases, but something people should know about me now.... I can't be fake. I can't put a fake smile on and act like things are not the way they are. Whenever I feel like I'm only surrounded by people that expect that from me, what I tend to do instead is withdraw. I sort of find a hiding place inside my life, inside my God, and no one will hear from me much at all, except the truly close friends who already know the real me. I have done this plenty of times and seasons over the years. People who don't know me well say I'm way too quiet and keep to myself too much. When times are going fine, people who don't know me well say I'm super out-going and have a lot of share. What? Why does that seem like a contradiction? Because it is; I'm neither of those, but I'm both.

I don't want to withdraw inside my life this time, but I also don't want to shout it out. I want to find a middle ground to express the genuine struggles of my heart. I found that middle ground, right here in the middle of this ordinary post. For those who see it, so be it, for those who don't, so be it.

So, I'm sort of lonely. I love the Lord, and I want nothing more than to serve Him, but I struggle with feeling like there isn't anything I can do for Him. Not just like the Bible says, we aren't capable alone in our own flesh, I understand this, but it feels like it goes further than that. I feel sort of... rejected. My passions and my efforts turned away. Doesn't everyone who is in Christ have a calling, isn't everyone used by God? I'm sure this is the case, but why doesn't it seem like it? I have struggled with this a lot in this life, but it was recently drawn back to the surface in a deeply heart breaking way.

Worship: I didn't seek to serve the Lord in this manner. I was content to sit in the back row of my church and worship the Lord, Him and I alone. I looooooove to worship God, and those that know me well know this about me. I never think the worship part of church is long enough, and when given the opportunity I will stay to the bitter end of any open worship time. When I got a guitar, and learned a few chords, I was often be found behind a closed door in my house, for hours, playing (not well) and singing my heart out to God. I miss doing that too, and I'm going to start again. I love the fact that God's presence is there, and He delights in that communion with us, even if we play the guitar badly. He isn't there to listen to a performance, nor be impressed with our supposed talents (the talents he even gave us to begin with) but He is there to work within our hearts.

When I get low and start to worship Him in song and prayer, He falls down to meet me there, and His touch on my life alters my heart. There isn't anything more healing, more lifting, and more edifying. His name is glorified. I love it, love it.

So why would I care to help with worship at church in front of others? I didn't really care to do that. I didn't think I had the ability, and I thought it would hinder my own worship anyway (a little selfish I know). I never even considered helping with the corporate worship time at church. But somehow this opportunity fell right in my lap. I picked it up, reluctantly, oh, veeeery reluctantly! But once I started, I learned how wrong I was. From the very first time, I could hear the people singing to the Lord, and my heart melted, and I was brought to tears. I was humbled before God beyond what words can describe. I realized I was privileged to be an instrument that God was using to bring others to lift up His name. Me, an unworthy vessel, and people were before God's throne. All of us on equal ground before the Lord, all of us glorifying Him together. I was surprised at how I loved it. I was surprised at how God was there and He was moving. I felt I had finally found something I was called to do in this life for the Lord, and was so content and blessed.

Maybe, as it turns out, I was the only one who was blessed. I hope not, but maybe that was the case. I know I have a lot to learn, and I'm not exactly this uber talented singer. So, I can understand that it is needful to have someone who is more ready for this. I don't have to be the one "up front", I'm happy to sink back into the far corner of the sanctuary and feel God filling my life. But, why was I allowed to be there at all? It only feels like I had finally found something I loved to do for the Lord, a way to serve Him, and also a way that He was actually going to use me. Something I had been searching for for years. I was serving the Lord. It was heaven. Now I barely know what happened and that door was closed in my face. It's OK, I will live, and I will get over it, but I gotta be honest, my heart is pretty broken in this time. It's really not about being "up front" but about serving Him and being able to do it with something I love doing already.

I have been praying a lot about this, and please don't think I am bitter or angry, I'm not. I have been confused a ton, but now that that is over, I'm just sad, extremely sad. God knows my heart, and I have not hidden my feelings, thoughts and honesty from Him. In fact I have even poured out my heart to Him. I'm very happy for the people who are doing the worship in my church, they are anointed and I love what God is doing through them. So there isn't any jealousy either.

It confuses me why I am so heart broken. I just felt I was a part of something, and valued and used by God. I cherished it. Now it's done. It disappeared so fast I didn't even know what hit me. I know it's all justified. There is no resentment in my heart. I want to be in God's will far more than I want to be doing something I love, that I shouldn't be doing at all. So I'm happy, if this is God's will, and I'm surrendered to it.

But God knows my heart still needs to be healed. If not from jealously, and if not bitter anger, than what does it need to be healed from? I don't know, sadness.... loneliness... embarrassment...feeling like I don't fit in- with any one, and am not being used by God. I feel I have nothing valuable to contribute, once again. Back to my un-useful, unnoticed, lonely life. I still love God with all my heart.

I think I will start playing my guitar (not well) to the Lord again; alone, behind closed doors just Him and I, to worship Him, and have my heart altered by His very presence.

Someday soon I will be healed from this, so nobody worry too much. That's what I have to say, and now I have said it.

I still want to order take out and watch a movie. Wish you were here Maria.

Inspiration, or perspiration?

2010-03-08T18:47:00.003-07:00

I want to write a new post. Haven't been very inspired lately. I can't write well if I'm not inspired. Mostly I'm really tired by the time I get home from work, feeling beaten by the world. Weariness is the inspiration killer. Once in a while I get inspired but it's always when I can't write, then later when I can write, it's left me. Trying to write when I'm not inspired is like pulling teeth, and I don't really get far. I could really break a sweat and in the end have nothing worth posting.

Here's an update on myself though to fill this blog with something, anything, in this very uninspired moment- Later I will put some scripture, God's Word is always inspired, and alive, which I'm not sure I could say as much about myself right now :-)

My oldest daughter is about to graduate highschool and is going to UCCS next year. We need scholorships... hahahaha. I'm very proud of her! VERY proud.

My middle daughter is successfully finishing her sophomore year of high school. She is doing very well with her grades. She helps a ton with the kids at church, what a mature young lady she is! Time to start teaching her to drive. UGG, just went through that, and time to start over.

***That's something you don't think too much about when you have a bunch of kids in a row... "Hmmmm, How many years in a row of teaching "Parent-Drivers Ed" will I be sentenced to?"****

My youngest is in 7th grade, and she is really struggling with the whole middle school thing. She really wants out of that school. My prayer is that I could find a better alternative for her, but there isn't much out there for a single mom who's got a low income AND transportation challenges. But she is a good girl, walking the right path! She makes a momma proud.

Me, I'm working, working, working. It's wearing on me some, after all these years of working mom, I should be used to it... and in a sense I really am. But after all these years, I also seem to be burning out a little..... Ok, a lot. That is where I could use some prayer. Also haven't been feeling too great lately, physically.

But, the good news is, GOD is still awesome, great things He has done. My church is coming along fantastically! God is working and it's a blessing to be a part of it. There is much to share about that, too much for my exhaustion wracked numbed brain cells to conceive and write here tonight. I will talk about more about this in upcoming posts. But it's all good, I get my energy from Sunday to Sunday. SOOO much to say about all that.

But God is also working on my own heart, and I have been seeking Him. I love that, no matter what happens in this world, to me, to those around me, I can always trust the Lord and He is always there! In those times when there is loneliness, confusion, no one around, I remember He is there, and I can always count on that. Oh that is so comforting that I can do nothing at that point but run straight to Him! All the voids are filled by Him. There is no lack. I'm so grateful for that.

****And I am blessed****

And so are all who put their trust in the Lord, Because of Him alone.

I have great friends too, more stuff for another post, but I do want to share about my fab friends!

Oh before I forget, hopefully by this weekend, I will have a devotional to post on the ole blog. See you then.

I know, I know this is a boring post. No inspiration tonight. :-)

Goodnight, I will leave this behind as I sign off:

Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,
And whose hope is the Lord.
For he shall be like a tree planted by the waters,
Which spreads out its roots by the river,
And will not fear when heat comes

An Eclectic Life (a reflection on all things inconsistent)

2010-01-02T13:15:00.012-07:00

Here we are again, a new year, my 41st new year. There are things I still want to accomplish in life.... learn guitar, write, cook, mother, travel, go back to school, exercise, loose weight, learn Spanish, help in my church, share the gospel with others, help the poor, do missions work, get the laundry caught up, change the oil in my car, etc.

My oh my, what a list of resolutions! I get overwhelmed. I don't make resolutions anymore. Haven't for a pretty long time. It's not because I don't want to improve on things, but I'm not waiting until Jan 1st every year to change/learn/grow. I tend to live in the moment. Usually I'm not very good at keeping resolutions either, I tend to be unrealistic with them.

I was trying to think of a theme for my blog, a general topic to try to center most of my blog posts around. I wondered, "why do I want to blog?". So, I just spent some time looking at various random blogs of people I don't know, this is something I don't normally do. I have found there are hundreds of craft blogs, all busting at the seams with talent and creativity. I have a blog friend that is very talented in crafting herself. She too does it so well. These people seem to have found their nitch in life, and are good at it. They are productive and create beauty all around them. They share it for the world to enjoy and bring a little color into their corner of the world. I don't do crafts though... I tried to years and years ago and it didn't work out. Every week was a new craft project that I failed and failed again. It's not my.... gift. I'm not even good at decorating my home.

There are also a lot of food blogs. I do love to cook, love it, love it! But I don't have a ton of time, nor money to buy all the fancy ingredients, so most of the meals I make are shortcut single mom dinners and breakfasts my kids pour from a box. Nothing worth posting on a blog about. Then here and there I cook up some delicious gourmet meal on steroids, and we thoroughly enjoy it. But it's not enough for an entire blog theme or anything.

There are a lot of travel blogs, too, see above comment about single mom of three kids...hence, no travel blog capabilities here.

Many blogs are all about families; happy marriages, happy kids, young ones at that, family travels, etc. Here you have a middle aged single mom barely surviving the teen years. No countless cute photos to post all over my blog. I barely have a working camera. No day to day wonderful family life stories to share here. My family is a blessing, a HUGE blessing... don't get me wrong. I just don't have many of those "blog/picture" moments to share in our blessed but mundane everyday lives. "Today, I went to work, came home, I think the kids were downstairs doing homework, cooked dinner, picked up the oldest from her job at Arbys, did some laundry, collapsed into bed exhausted, got up started over the next day." I love my family life, but it's sort of not much worth making an entire blog theme about.

Oh, but if there anything in life I felt sure of, it's my calling as a mother. Mine just isn't displayed the same as others. Unfortunately, I'm unable to domesticate nearly as much as I crave it. Between harried hours of managing the life of teens, a full time job, and a church I know I am called to serve, my house mostly gets disorganized and messy. Decorations get dusty and faded, and never get updated. Nothing worth taking a picture of and posting on a blog. Example:

Recent aftermath of mess after a movie night

So what, I don't do crafts, so I don't have a "complete" family, so we have lived through some heart ache and hardship, so we have "gone without" much of what I see others around us having.

We have a beautiful little house now, and I have fantastic daughters, I'm very thankful for all that God has provided. In fact in our "lack" (I will use the word "lack" to make a point, though I don't like what it implies) of having stuff, we have had the privilege of seeing miraculous provision from the Lord, and on top of that abundant blessing to fill any gap we have felt we have had. These feelings of "lack" that we may struggle with from time to time often (though not always) come from comparisons of our lives to the others around me. But I have learned God's incredible sovereignty, matchless power, unbeatable ability, endless love and grace, and would never trade that in for all the materialistic things in the world. He has taught me thankfulness through fire, and believe me, I really needed that lesson! He has filled me with His strength to empower me to raise my children in an unconventional and unplanned way, that being, me alone with a full time job.

So, but I want to make my little corner of world more colorful too. I want to leave a mark on this world for others to enjoy, to be a witness and a testimony to this creative all powerful God. I don't want my life wasted. But I continually see in my life, a lack of talent and ability. If not even those things I see a lack of money and time. While I don't craft, etc. I have at various times in my life pursued different things I felt I could do. Once, I started to learn to play guitar and loved it, I have helped with a tiny bit of counseling of women who also were in dire straights, I have ministered to friends, prayed with and for loved ones and strangers, loved my daughters, raised them to know Jesus, started to read many books, started several new hobbies I was sure I would develop further, exercised very inconsistently, I love to write and have even started (and later neglected) a blog, and etc etc.

I think I have really floundered around in 41 years of life. What have I stuck with? What have I done with the "talents" (coins that is) that God has given me? Sometimes for lack of ability and resource, and other times for lack of energy and consistency, I can think of nothing I have really done and stuck with to make a difference in this world. Well, except a few things... raising my kids best I knew how and for the Lord, the daily work I do in my job that has incredible purpose for God's Kingdom, keeping loyal and deep friendships, and loving serving in my church with all my heart over these years. All those things are actually gifts from God, not something I did. All things I'm very grateful for! I don't care those other things have fallen short. When I look at eternity and see the AMAZING work God has accomplished in my life, and in my family, I couldn't be more thankful, and I wouldn't trade it in for anything.

My life looks different than many. I have trouble juggling a million talents that I see so many women juggling with what appears to be ease. Though I'm sure it's not with ease, but I'm the one that feels spread too thin with everything in the life of a single mom. The idea of adding a lot of huge life hobbies in the equation is overwhelming to me. My kids have not had a lot of the stuff the other kids have. I feel I have no main talents or themes I can categorize my life in. None of that matters, we have the LORD! I'm blessed- we're blessed- beyond imagination! My life is unique in it's way, the same as everyone's life is unique. God has a plan for my life, He has a plan for my daughters, and I don't want any other plan B.

Too much to say... so little time

2009-12-22T12:02:00.001-07:00

Wow, it's been a year since I put anything on this blog. I miss it. I don't have a ton of time, but I love writing my thoughts into words, so I think I will start blogging again. After all this time probably no one is even checking this, but if you happen to stumble on this and see I have updated it, be checking back here now and then, maybe once a month. I am going to start writing again. Too much to say....so little time.

Mary's Song

2008-11-29T12:55:00.002-07:00

My Soul Magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And Holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation
He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud
in the imagination of their hearts.
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever."

I know I posted this last year. I wanted to repost it now, because I love this passage and it's the right season for it now, but Mary's words -uttered in praise to her God- speak truth all year round.

Also, as a side note, Nativity Story (2006) is the best Biblical movie ever made!

Our God Reigns

2008-11-05T21:49:00.002-07:00

Daniel answered and said: “Blessed be the name of God forever and ever, For wisdom and might are His. And He changes the times and the seasons; He removes kings and raises up kings; He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to those who have understanding. Daniel 2:20-21.

Daniel spent the majority of his life in captivity to an evil nation run by evil kings, and yet, still declared the above. Put your hope in the Lord, and not in any man. With the Lord there is strength, hope, and deliverance. No man can prevail against Him; no nation can overcome Him. My heart breaks for the condition of our world, and for the state of our nation, but though we may feel shaken, He is not shaken.

“These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

There are many plans in a man’s heart, Nevertheless the LORD’s counsel—that will stand. Proverbs 19:21

Pray that God will rise up in this nation and in our hearts as believers. Even still, if not in our government or economy etc, that he would pour out the Holy Spirit on us and dwell in us.
God is still on the throne.

And those who know your name will put their trust in You; For You, LORD, have not forsaken those who seek You. Psalm 9:10
The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes. Proverbs 21:1

The below is an encouraging excerpt from a devotional email I received this morning:

How quickly we can become ambitious, and thirst for earthly power. That’s what the disciples were distracted with (Luke 22:24-30). They thought that Jesus’ coming kingdom on the earth was imminent, and they were looking for political power and position immediately. Of course, Jesus takes them in a completely different direction, telling them that if they want to truly be called by His name (“Christians” – “little Christ”; “like Christ”) they are to get their eyes off of the world’s system of power and position and simply seek to serve others.

We are in error when we think that the church is going to serve the purposes of God through political authority and might. Individual believers may in fact be called into that arena, like any other. But ultimately the purposes of God in our country will be accomplished as Jesus’ people get concerned about having our lives transformed into His image. Read the remainder of Luke 22:24-30. No matter who sits in the Oval Office, or inhabits the halls of Congress, God’s people can serve others. In so doing, we find ourselves more like our Lord and Savior, and less like the “kings of the Gentiles”.

Busy

2008-10-25T10:43:00.009-06:00

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness

and all these things shall be added to you.

I have been too busy lately. With what, though? I needed to examine that. All necessary things, I've decided, but all out of balance and distracting from the most important things of life. Nothing I can put aside, but I do need to put in it's place.

In all my busy-ness (is that a word?) my prayer is that I would be found filling my busy life with first living for God's kingdom. All other things will be added.

Sometimes I try to do that backwards. "Focus on the temporal things in life, keep busy with the daily things, don't stop! Go ahead and flesh it out, and maybe God's Kingdom will be added to me!" It's funny to think about. And it never works. In actuality it is the other way around.

Put those temporal things behind the things of eternity, the Kingdom of God. It's amazing how well it all works out when you do.

“Therefore do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For after all these things the Gentiles seek. For your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

A Helper to the helpless

2008-09-20T10:03:00.011-06:00

But You have seen, for You observe trouble and grief
To repay it by Your hand
The helpless commits himself to You
You are the helper of the fatherless

Last Friday at work we had a special chapel. Compassion flew about 20-25 children here from Tanzania, about ages 8 and up through the teens. They are all sponsored children and in a choir together at their Compassion project. At the chapel they sang and danced. They sang in their language mostly and some of it was in English.

They were here all that week and always around the building somewhere. I would bump into them as I was going about my work days and they were wonderful kids. Every time they saw someone walking by they would all stop and look at them with the biggest smiles on their faces! They would greet people so friendly, respectfully, and refreshingly cheerfully. (That last sentence is a grammatical nightmare isn't it? But I don't feel like editing it). Nothing like the middle-school aged/high-school aged kids in this country, blank stares, eye rolling, etc.

I was pretty impressed with the cultural differences, and the differences of the countenance of the children in their country compared to ours. These kids, while they were here dressed in American clothing and looking like a happier version of any other American child, face such great hardship on a daily basis in their country. Working at Compassion we are daily aware of the fact that there are millions of people in the world that live in great hardship like this.

At the chapel they sang and danced in their traditional clothing. The music was pre-recorded but their voices were not. They did a number of energetic dances and songs, and some praise and worship songs in their Tanzanian style. It was impressive, I posted a few videos below. They are all short, 45 seconds and such, and I was not able to make long videos of entire songs because my memory card kept filling up. Plus, I was in the very back of the chapel so the videos are not the greatest quality. Those kids are so cute and their charm made everyone smile.

The last song they sang was a serious one. They all sat down on the stage and sang several verses about the hardships they face in their country. It was very personal as these were the very kids living this life on a daily basis. They are not from a large prominent city in Tanzania, but a poverty stricken community. So the words they sang, to them was not just another song but a reality of their daily lives. They sang about AID's and watching parents die, about violence and crime, about orphans trying to raise their little siblings alone, about hunger and slums, all unspeakable things that children there face everyday.

After a few verses they stood up, lifted up their arms and started singing about the hope they found in Jesus in spite of all this, and God's care for them and how thankful they are. Then they started singing about Compassion and the life of hope they were now living. They said "Compassion, we thank you, from the depths of our hearts". It brought most to tears, it's almost unbearable to think about.

It's unjust that children should have to live this way, helpless. There is a pressing urgency inside me knowing there are still so many without the help or the hope that these children have found. I'm so thankful for the job I have. I want to spend the rest of life serving the Lord in this way, and helping those who need it so much.

Watch these videos, especially the last one. Unfortunately, I only got 30 seconds to a minute on each video, but I did get the tail end of the last song I described.

True Story

2008-08-31T22:28:00.000-06:00

The most hic directions to the bathroom I have ever been given in a store....

Today, Maria and I are at the "Trading Post" a souvenir and gift store shop at an outdoor tourist sight here in Colorado.

Maria says: Excuse me miss, where is the ladies room?
Store attendant answers (insert thick twang here): "It's sorta that way under the buffalo head"

I almost died laughing.

Maria + Airplane = Seeing Trish

2008-08-27T21:09:00.003-06:00

Maria, you are finally coming!
An interesting fact for those who have little to no history on the Maria factor, here it is.
Maria and I met in October of 1995 in Bend OR, where she lives and I used to live. We met at a womans' retreat for our church and immediately hit it off. The rest is history, we have been BFF's ever since (and that was since before people ever said "BFF").
Our friendship grew closer still over the years to becoming the best friendship in the history of mankind (second only to David and Jonathan). It was a sad day in March of 1999 when I embarked off on a journey to Colorado Springs never to return, not even for a visit :-( . But after 9 years of separation Maria and I have not only never lost touch, but we have grown an even closer friendship.
Lest anyone doubt the sincerity of our friendship let me tell you...

We rent the same movies and synchronize them on our TV's, then we watch them together over the phone
We can talk on the phone until 12:17 am, sometimes even about subjects like hairdo's and hard boiled eggs, and not get bored.
We talk on the phone at least twice a week. If there is a week when we are not on the phone twice a week our phone calls get longer than an hour.
We can eat while on the phone with each other... and sleep... if you look back to number 1, you can see that sometimes there is a little head nodding going on.... but no one gets mad at anyone else over it.
We blog together
We email
We text, in fact, our texting bills single handedly support 3 major corporations (ha! Kidding). One week when Maria broke her cell phone the lack of texting funds from us made the economy fall.
Not a day goes by, not one, where we don't communicate, at the very least a "hi, how are you?" in an email.
We have not seen each other in person in 9 1/2 years, and have not grown distant.
We send each other gifts frequently
One year I bought her tickets to see Ice Capades in Portland.
One year she bought me a guitar.
When she was sick with Pneumonia in the hospital I called a mutual friend and made her go visit Maria for me and check on her.
I have never been in the hospital, but she helped me a lot when I was first a single mom with the kids.
Oh I could on and on with this list, but I won't anymore.

I'm sooooooooooooo excited to see her! Oh come quickly Maria plane!
I thought it was super fun-the post the itinerary thing (Maria, look at it I added a couple things since I sent it to you). The sight-seeing/hang out plan for Maria's visit is as follows:
Thur. Aug. 28th:
10:15 am- Pick up Maria at Denver airport
Stop by at Compassion
Focus?
Air Force Academy
go home
Make Brie recipe
Watch movie
Watch another movie?
Just hang out

Fri. Aug 29th:
City parks
My old neighborhood
Monument/Black Forest
Bible study
Go home and hang out

Sat. Aug 30th:
Pikes Peak
Bible study
Go home and go to bed

Sun: Aug 31st:
Balloon Launch?
Olympic Training Center
Garden of the Gods
Manitu/Old Colorado City
Balloon Glo

Mon: Sept 1st:
Breckenridge
Pack a lunch
Eat Dinner out

Tue: Sept 2nd:
8:00 am- leave for Denver Airport
11:00 am- Maria's plane departs
11:01 am- sit down and cry

Party Post

2008-08-26T21:35:00.006-06:00

Here is my little party post. Last week I dressed up like a pirate at work and it was a BLAST! We were having a little event at my work and people were supposed to pick a theme for their department and ours was pirates. I was having so much fun, maybe I will do it again this October. It was my favorite dress up ever.

In my life I have dressed up as:
In childhood the ones I remember:

Witch
Angel- for like 3 years until I grew out of the costume
Cat (this one I did twice)
Bunny
Ballerina
Cheerleader
Can can Dancer
Casper the ghost
Scarecrow
House maid

Then as an adult:

Parent (I dressed up as a parent several years in a row)
One year I abandoned the parent theme and dressed up as an eccentric cat lady
Then one year I dressed up as a little girl, which I have to say was a total blast! Pigtails, freckles with dots of eyeliner, pajamas with snoopy on them, slippers, carried a blankie and stuffed animal.
The next couple years I dressed as a parent again, but I changed it up some when I decided to be a middle aged parent instead of a young one.

This year I'm going to be a pirate, Yo ho! And I'm really going to dress it up!

What have you been??

My next post will be serious, sorry to be so goofy!
Trish AKA Pondering

PS CAN'T WAIT for you to visit Maria!

You are made to shine

2008-08-01T17:52:00.007-06:00

You are the light of the world. A city on a hill cannot be hidden.
Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl.
Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
In the same way, let your light shine before men,
that they may see your good deeds
and praise your Father in heaven.

I never noticed this about myself until today, seeing God work in other peoples lives is so awe inspiring to me! I guess it always has been for me, but I first realized it today.

Just of few of many examples:

Building faith and love in Christ: I've been deeply involved in a home Bible study for close to a year now, and the more I get to know the people there the more excited I get about the Lord! I see and hear from them week after week, the testimony and witness of the things God is doing in their lives, and it does my heart so much good! It builds my faith in the Lord to see Him work powerfully in their lives.

Bringing rejoicing in the Lord: I got so excited and motivated in the Lord when a little girl in my neighborhood starting coming to my house and we would talk about God. She would get so excited and then even prayed to God for salvation! My heart was filled with rejoicing! I was walking with Jesus on cloud 9 over that one for weeks and weeks.

Stirring thankfulness and prayer: I just came back from vacation where I was visiting some very beloved friends. I was so blessed to see the things God is working in their lives, how He is providing, and how He is using them. I left there thanking God and praying for my friends in every area of their life!

Filling with joy and brokenness: I talked with a co-worker yesterday (more friend than co-worker as far as I'm concerned). She shared with me the depths of her heart about what God is doing in her, and in her life, a story of heartache and new hope. I was so drawn in to what she was sharing and so caught up in it emotionally. On the way home, I prayed in tears for her, and praised God for the work He is doing in her life. It brought me so much joy in the Lord!

Directing a heart to worship: I love it at church or a Bible study when the worship leader(s) is actually worshiping and not really performing. To be in a room of people where I can see God's Spirit moving on them and on the ones leading it, that brings me to a deeper level of worship. To me it feels like a little taste of heaven! Knowing we are all there with the same need- and God is there working in each life- so personally- and in each heart in that very moment, moves my heart to worship.

Drawing out a desire to serve Him: At work today we had a meeting with a guest, two sisters from a local band. They were telling stories of people they have met that impacted their lives and hearts. They shared about young couple they met that had just came to know the Lord and this couple was reaching out now to help someone else. The couple had come out of such a difficult background and God had delivered them from it! It was a powerful testimony of God's deliverance and their grateful offering back to Him and it melted my heart for the love of the Lord.

Don't hide the light of God's work in your life under a bowl. His work is lighting up the lives of all around you, and every room you enter! That light makes the darkness flee. You never know how your light is inspiring others in their walk with the Lord, you never know how it may be drawing others to Christ. When people see God work powerfully through all our joys and sorrows, through our successes and our brokenness, and then they see the response of devotion back towards Him, it moves them! God works in our lives, not just for our sake, but for the sake of all who are watching, and for the sake of His glory. What is God working in you?

Vegation

2008-07-28T19:53:00.015-06:00

We went on a road trip to visit our good friends in Las Vegas. We have been there before and that is one crazy town. Land of heat, lights, and colors, where they do everything way over the top (above; us, under Venetian sky). We had a fun time, spending most of our time just chillin out with our friends and at the pool. It was so relaxing and refreshing. My kind of vacation. Our friends were such a blessing and I'm so glad we got to see them.

We did hit the sightseeing scene one day. We went to the strip, a small portion of it. Fascinating, I think it could be labeled as an endless picture opportunity, with extra cheese on top. Lights, sounds, flashing, glittering, gold, water, flames, cars, people, sun, heat, everything done with extra flair, not a square inch left untouched by glistening style. It's a sensory overload. Interesting culture. To experience the same over-stimulation, click on the collages and pics to make them big (**warning: do not try this if you have a seizure disorder or autistic tendencies).

Fun Times

The Palazzo:

W met some famous people, but they were a little stiff....my admiration of them waxed cold (har har). Speaking of stiff people we saw those live statue people who don't move... or blink... or breathe... We also saw people posing in costume, and guards who stand at attention and can't move laugh or smile. (Now that I think about it, there sure are a lot of stiff people in that city)

The Venetian:

Ummm, so what's up with that.... oxygen bar??? The things people will spend their money on. Hey, hello, people-my oxygen is free... we just have a lot less of it in Colorado.

I don't have pictures but we ate at a fancy restaurant (owned by Brad Brennan) where my friends' son works as a chef, and we got the royal treatment there. I have never felt so spoiled. They wined and dined us and just kept bringing more stuff out to our table. I felt like I was in a movie, because that can't have been real. Also a waiter sang an amazing opera to one of his tables. Also there was a blues band. I can chalk that experience up as my most interesting dining out, ever!

All together we had a blast, but the thing that made it the quality vacation that it was, were our friends!! They are a most loved and special people in our hearts!

The things I learned in Vegas

2008-07-23T11:07:00.003-06:00

No, I didn't learn how to pull a slot machine, shoot craps, or play video poker, nor did I uncover any of the mysteries of what happened in Vegas... I guess it has to stay there (that's my cheap attempt at a cheesy joke). But, here is the top ten list of the things I did learn in Vegas:

10. It's easy to breathe when running up a flight of stairs (for Coloradans)
9. Bone in chicken needs to be mostly cooked before grilling
8. Some stuff about baseball
7. True Romano cheese is made from sheeps milk and that stuff you buy in the grocery store is a cheaters version (and not nearly as good)
6. Swimming laps is much harder than the treadmill
5. You can get a wicked sunburn there in half your normal sunburn time
4. The human stomach has a 4 cup capacity but is capable of stretching to contain 1, 1/2 gallons worth of food and liquid (I read this in a magazine in a doctors waiting room and I think I may have made a close attempt at this myself a few times while there)
3. I actually like eggplant afterall (LOVED IT!)
2. Thousands of bugs do not wash off a car the normal way, it seems they actually become a permanent fixture
1. Many people don't read their t-shirts before wearing them.
0.5 Americans are apparently dying from Pam consumption

I learned a lot more, but I said top ten, so the end.

I will post pictures and stories of our vacation later, we had so much fun!

One more boring family activities post

2008-07-04T13:26:00.013-06:00

We went camping last weekend, Friday, Sat. and Sunday. There were 17 of us and 3 dogs. We went to Trinidad, CO which is 2 hours due south from us and right above the border of New Mexico, so it was more desert-like than here, but pretty. It was wimpy camping, tent camping, but with bathrooms and showers and no deep hiking into our campsite. But wimpy camping is my kind of camping.

It was hot everyday-100 degrees. The evenings were nice and cool. There were mountains and a lake for fishing. We caught absolutely nothing.

We enjoyed each meal cooked outdoors.

In spite of 100 degree weather, we went into the town on Saturday afternoon for a couple hours.
We took the kids and visited...(you guessed it)

Oh yeah!
hehehe har.
Every good skate park has to have some graffiti, but most good photos shouldn't, so we had a good time there, and I'm thankful for Paint Shop Pro to edit with.

Along with skating and tricks we also enjoyed some sunbathing...LOL

Even our dog Amos caught some rays...here he is below with us kicking back & soaking it up!

In my mother-like pride (incredible fear) I spent a lot of time covering my eyes and didn't watch my kids skate around much, but I peeked between my fingers here and there for an occasional action shot.

My friend was quite the daredevil!
GO SANDY! GO SANDY!

Some family stuff

2008-06-23T18:23:00.014-06:00

We have had a fun time the last three weeks with summer activities and school being out (even thought I'm working) Here are some highlights:

A couple weeks ago a friend and I signed up our kids to be in a baseball clinic with (our local minor league team) the Skysox players teaching them at the stadium. My 10 year old daughter was in it, and three of my friend's kids. Then we stayed for the game afterwards.

My daughter in green, her friend in pink

Samara running the bases.

My friends two boys, aren't they adorable???

Thunderstorm moved over us during the game, but we didn't care because it was .50 cent hot dog day, and when you get a hot dog for .50 cents, nothing can get you down.

The next weekend was the 4-H dog show, which my 14 year old is in. It just happens to be, by coincidence, that so is my friends daughter (my same Skysox friend). My daughter did well, despite a loosing battle with Amos' tear stains, she still won 2nd (reserved champion) in showmanship, 3rd in obedience, and 2nd place (reserved grand champion) overall the show.

My friends daughter won three champion awards too, one of them was Grand Champion (1st overall).

Left to right, my friends daughter, my 10 year old and my 14 year old, oh yeah, and their dogs. Amos is a Maltese mix, and Asia is a Shiba Inu.

The very next day we went to the park. Not a spectacular event, but fun for us.

There was this great creek, and the kids did not cease to wade it.

Our dog found a little piece of heaven being unleashed to dirt, mud, and water.
What a difference a day makes! There's our Grand Champion.

For some reason I thought to blog my dog

2008-06-22T13:23:00.011-06:00

Ok, so I'm not a "dog in the purse" kind of lady. In fact, I'm not really a "dog person" at all. But for fun, here is our dog, Amos...yes, he is a boy. My youngest daughter thought it would be fun to take these very frilly pictures of him and maybe give him an ego complex in the process. We really do usually treat him like a boy, honest.

Oh he's viscous!

Ministry Vision

2008-06-07T09:12:00.001-06:00

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.
For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows.

While in prayer this week over the things I talked about in my earlier post, vision for a few area's in my life began to form, one of which I really want to share here.

It's exciting because I have had such an ordinary week, and have set aside purposed times to pray, still feeling like even my time for this was lackluster. But I know that God directed me to do this, so I decided to wait on Him. It was all those unexpected moments when I heard from the Lord that I was expecting for the times of prayer. Not that the times of prayer were unproductive, because God hears our prayers even when we don't sense it. But, God moved on my heart while walking after work the other night and then again during chapel at work. (our chapels are usually topical, not a Bible study).

But the area it seems God is stirring on my heart this week is my calling. I'm unclear about it this time, but am seeking God more on it. I still feel there is so much more need to keep waiting and praying more. There are still questions and holes in my thoughts.

The topic at chapel was on a program we have at Compassion called Child Survival Program. The mortality rate for children under the age of 5 in third world countries is unnecessarily high. These children die from preventable things like malnutrition, diarrhea, malaria, etc. The child survival program is set up in several third world countries to help pregnant moms, nursing moms, and their babies and toddlers through this critical period of time in the child's life. Basically, the CSP programs are like a clinic where the mom's go on a regular basis while they are pregnant or bring their babies. There they learn the Gospel and are cared for spiritually, prenatally, medically, the mother is taught good nutrition, care, parenting, and hygiene. Mom and baby are provided food and clean water and supplies needed. They also do home visits with the mother. There is more to know about the program, so if anyone wants to know more visit here- Child Survival Program.

The lady at chapel who spoke about this program is from Kenya working with the CSP programs. She shared some scriptures the Lord put on her heart for the mom's in the program, and shared about CSP from the mom's perspective. She shared extensively about the ministry and care these mom's are receiving through this program. Many of these mom's are isolated from society and alone, their babies are sick and/or malnourished, or their pregnancy is unhealthy or unexpected. They don't have any help, sometimes they are ostracized, sometimes they are in abusive marriages, all the time they are without hope. But still they have a child to care for in spite of these obstacles! Often, by the time they enter the CSP program, they have given up hope, or are sure their baby will die. The chapel speaker described the CSP program to be like an angel to the CSP mom's, bringing the love of Jesus, hope, a future, health, and salvation for them and their child. The CSP children, being our worlds future adults, have a future in the eyes of the Lord, to be used by Him as they grew, some will become leaders.

This kind of thing has always been something that has pierced my heart. In my minds eye, while she spoke at chapel, I saw a picture of a mother sitting on the floor, legs crossed, with her baby in her lap, sick or needy in some way. I saw this mother and child sitting in an empty room, alone, no one knew she was there. Then, while she sat, on the outside I saw the world hastily passing by around her, and she wept. Then into this room someone entered, and lifted this woman up, her and her child, and hope filled the room. This is the vision that came into my mind and stuck there! This sounds so silly, but I like Toby Mac, I know, I know, immature and all that. On one of his albums there is a song called "Irene", that I have always loved. It's about a young single mom, swallowed up by the overwhelming world around her, and her struggle to keep her eyes on the Lord. The lyrics are powerful and full of scripture. See post below.

As a single mom I know this pain and struggle. I know the battle, the anxiety, and the slippery grip of trying to hold onto hope. I know the fear in lack of funds to care for my children, the broken car that can't get me to work, or the worry about who will be in charge of watching my kids when I can't be there. I know the guilt in feeling my kids are raising themselves. I know the loneliness that at times seemed all-consuming. I know this undeniable force, driving such a deep need for the Lord it causes an involuntary, desperate cry to rise from within, up to the Lord. I know the determination of fighting for my children, not willing to give up, though the world come against me! In contrast, I also know the indescribable grateful hope, relief, and joy of God meeting our every need, even when things seemed dire. I know the angelic faces of the people who God sent to help! I know the gratitude of being lifted up, and not left without hope. I know what it is to be strengthened and empowered by the Lord, and led by His Spirit.

I passionately want to help women in their pursuit of raising their children successfully, and in them knowing the Lord, and not to be destitute. This has always been a desire on my heart, but was stirred in me strongly during chapel this week. I'm suspicious this is one answer to my prayer for vision. I'm praying more about it and seeking the Lord in His Word. I have no idea what direction it would go, if so. It could be lay ministry and/or counseling to single/young/challenged mothers through church, or it could be volunteering for organizations where this is the focus, or maybe I could even go to school and pursue a degree in social work, or maybe missionary trips with focus on ministering to destitute mothers, or it could be none of those at all, or maybe something else I hadn't thought of, but this for sure is one of my life's passions and I'm praying about where to go from here. One thing I do know, it needs to be done according to God's will and His Word! I'm very excited!

My own testimony of God's work and move in our lives as I walk the path of single motherhood is so amazing, it's supernatural! God didn't allow me to take this path in life for nothing. This has built a solid and sure compassion and care in my heart for those determined and frightened women out there meeting this same challenge! I want to come along side of those women and lift them up, bring them hope, help them fight for their children, show them the love of Jesus, teach them the things no one else has, and walk with them through it when not many others will! Though, I realize there will be a lot of heartache in such a ministry as well.

Please pray for me in this please. This is very important to me! I really need direction. I can't get this off of mind. It has consumed my heart and my thoughts. I'm going to prayerfully start looking into what it would take to go to school, if possible, and/or volunteer opportunities around my city as well.

Praise Jesus!

2008-06-07T08:06:00.000-06:00

As a single mom, I can say this song describing the Lord's heart in caring for single mom's is right on!

I have been in the very struggle as the girl in this song, Irene, as far as being a single mom (except I was not a teen mom as in this song). Having been a single mom so many years, I know the struggle this song so well describes. Also myself experiencing how miraculously God provided and loved us through it, my heart is now filled with an unquenchable thirst to reach out and minster into the lives of younger single moms, or mom's facing other challenging circumstances in life! (read my next post, to be posted soon). Those mom's who are now in the place I was a few years ago, or worse. God has put in my heart that same love and care for these mom's and their children that he showered on me.
(don't watch the video, it's poor quality, just play the song and read lyrics, typed out below)

Hush little baby don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby
everything's gonna be alright
The lord's gonna answer your prayer tonight (2 times)

Last night you had a dream you was the homecoming queen
Today you're 18, happy birthday, Irene
Quit school, you had to drop out to raise your little child
(doesn't seem to be anyone around)
you got to reach up to touch rock bottom
the powers that be keep you downtrodden
Daughter of Zion, I heard your prayers,
Just cast your cares, and please be aware of snakes
they come in all shapes and sizes
tempt you, put scales on your eyelids
don't waste your sorrows, they give you strength tomorrow
you calvary's about to come so,
keep your head up, don't you ever let up,
this storm will pass, you'll be ready for the next one

Hey, little girl, with the pressures of the world on your shoulders
don't say that it's over
I heard your prayers, just cast your cares
and I'll be there, so don't you fear (2 times)

Hush little baby don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby
everything's gonna be alright
The lord's gonna answer your prayer tonight (2 times)

Irene, I carried you when you was too weak to walk
I took to you when you gave your heart to God
Faithful and true, that's what I'll always be to you
believe in you, believe in Me
and these mountains have to move
you have dreams and aspirations
I knew you before creation, your foundation's solid
I will build you a palace, restore your soul
You'll be up for any challenge, many storms are on the way
better sharpen your faith
count the cost, pick up the cross and wear it everyday
rest in Me and I will give you strength
Blessed is she, Irene who seeks My face

Hey, little girl, with the pressures of the world on your shoulders
don't say that it's over
I heard your prayers, just cast your cares
and I'll be there, so don't you fear (2 times)

Hush little baby don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna sing you a lullabye
everything's gonna be alright
The lord's gonna answer your prayer tonight. (2 times)

Everything's gonna be alright (3 times)

Father, I'm stronger, I said (2 times)
Father, I'm stronger
than when I first believed
Father, I'm stronger, I said (2 times)
Father, I'm stronger
than when I first believed

Hey, little girl, with the pressures of the world on your shoulders
don't say that it's over (2 times)
I heard your prayers, just cast your cares
and I'll be there, so don't you fear

Hush little baby don't you cry,
Daddy's gonna sing you a lullaby
everything's gonna be alright
The lord's gonna answer your prayer tonight (2 times)

The Lords gonna answer your prayer (2 times)

Janice Patrice

2008-06-04T21:26:00.006-06:00

So, my friends say, I remind them of Janice, the hippie chick from the muppets, man. She like, wow, must be my alter ego or something. Thanks Janitha, great compliment, you're a groovy girl! LOVE it!

like, peace, man!

LOL LOL she looks like such a dork! I guess it's fitting hehehehe.
She said it's my mannerisms, not appearance.

A Call to Seek

2008-06-01T17:01:00.027-06:00

Where there is no vision the people perish

But happy is he who keeps the law

Discouragement for me, it seems, comes in seasons, and this has been a recent struggle. I have been praying over it, which has helped, but sometimes I get caught in this trap; just when there is progress, somehow I fall into discouragement, or come under attack. Things aren't working out the way I think they should. Soon, I've forgotten those things that the Lord was ministering to me. I become disappointed and give up. After a short time, I realize I'm falling, so, I pray again. God is faithful, He hears my prayer and answers. He ministers to my heart. Well so goes the story, it starts over, somehow I get discouraged again. It can be a viscous cycle. Right now, I want out of the cycle. It's been a struggle for me for about a year now.

Friday, as I left work I prayed to hear from the Lord this weekend, especially over this most recent struggle. Boy did I ever hear from God from every which way I turned! He so encouraged me. Today, I was praying that God would guard from discouragement beating down again later. I asked Him, how. Do you ever ask God... "how?"... when you know you need something but you aren't sure.... how? "How do I battle against discouragement so powerful that sometimes I feel like giving up? What is the technique? Is there even a technique? Lord, show me."

It's amazing how God's Word works! First, I pray, and ask God a question, next, I seek Him in His Word, and then... there is the answer... wow! It's almost as though God's Word was alive or something. Oh yeah, that's right, it is! And He speaks to us through it. Then I listened to a Bible study tonight and got some great direction for my upcoming week (below).

Those of you who visit my blog are good friends of mine. I am thankful for your friendship, for the encouragement and the fellowship we have, for the exhortation you each bring. I said in the previous post, there is nothing like having friends who are of like minds and hearts! Good friendships between people who love the Lord plunge deeper than the superficial, bypass the pretentious, and repel away from flattery. Those friendships seek honesty, lift the heart with authenticity, know the strengths and weaknesses of each, and love anyway, edifying one another in the Lord. I appreciate friendships like this in all of you. We have prayed and fasted together, studied God's Word together, fellowshipped, laughed, and cried with one another. We have sought the Lord together.

Below is what I will be doing this week. Any of you, my friends, who would like to join me are welcome to. Pray about it first, and if you feel like it's something you are led to do, then join me. If you don't feel led, then just pray for me.

I looked in several versions of the Bible at the scripture above. I found most versions have one of two ways of wording it. The general gist of these two ways (in my own wording) are: Where there is no vision (revelation) the people perish (are unrestrained); but he who follows God's ways is happy.

I realized this has been a large part of my own struggle. Lack of vision. I don't always know what I should be doing. Oh, I mean, I know what I should be doing... go to work, pay the bills, care for the kids, run the errands, cook, clean, do laundry, maintain friendships, go to church, pray, read the Bible, exercise etc. But all this can be done without vision and without focus. Dare I submit, all of this can be done in the flesh and in self strength! Follow weariness, discouragement, and failure. Why? Because the focus isn't on the Lord, but on the works, apart from reliance on the Lord. This is the source of my struggle! God used several things from this weekend to direct me to another source, Him. Praise God.

In my self strengthening struggle I try and try to do everything right. This approach can been like trying to tread water with no relief for 17 days or something. There are so many things that God has put in my charge, and I just don't want to mess any of it up. But God has a plan for me in all these things, and I need vision from Him, not from my own understanding. Remember... Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I guess this is a no-brainer. But without vision I have felt as though I am, at times, perishing or scattered all over with no direction, as this scripture talks about. Then it permeates to my house and job.... and my heart.

This week I'm bringing all this to the Lord. Here is how, some of these steps are basic, but needful, so here is where it starts:

Confession- First confess to the Lord whatever areas that have a hold over me, He is able to forgive and cleanse me. First John 1:9.
Grace- Receive the grace that He gives in such abundance. Then move on. No wallowing in guilt or regret, no analyzing how I could have done better, etc.
Truth- Seek God's truth, which is from His Word.

Vision- Where there is no vision the people perish. I need vision from the Lord. I need to be focused on God's heart and will for the lives of me and my family. I need to know things from the Lord, not myself. If I have vision from the Lord, He will give wisdom, and personal direction. Knowing that the things I'm focusing on are from the Lord, I can stop wearying myself over putting energy into things that aren't even what the Lord wants for us. I can be single minded, and have confidence knowing that God is leading by His Spirit, because I'm walking in His ways, free of distraction. The strength and power to do the things the Lord is directing me in will come from Him! That's what I'm seeking this week.

All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes,
But the LORD weighs the spirits.

Where is vision needed?

Family- Lord, what is it You are directing for my family? Where are we going? What things need to be set aside?
Marriage- I'm not married, but some are who are reading this.
Parenting- What is it that God wants me to focus on in my parenting? What kind of a mother does He desire me to be? What things/activities should I pursue in parenting to lead my children forth in the Lord? I need this vision from the Lord. I've learned I'm very lost without it.
Church- Same thing, how is the Lord directing?
Ministry- ditto
Work- ditto
Health- ditto
Etc, etc. fill in your own blank here

Ask- James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him. I need vision, wisdom from God for my life, so I will ask for it. It may take time to all pan out, but God's Word says to wait on the Lord. So I will ask, and wait on the Lord.

Listen- There can't be preset agenda's in my heart. I don't want to seek the Lord with any preconceived ideas about what direction I think the Lord will lead, but happy to keep God's Word. So in seeking the Lord, I need to be open to hear His voice and listen for His direction, and not my own.

The preparations of the heart belong to man,
But the answer of the tongue is from the LORD.

God's Word- Everything always needs to line up with God's word. The Lord will not contradict His Word in directing, or in giving wisdom and instruction. So I'll stay in His Word and take those things on my heart to His Word and make sure it lines up with that.

Write it down- If God does give vision, I'll write it down. I'll journal it, including scripture that God showed me, pray over it and commit it to the Lord. If, later I do have a discouraging day, or a day when I feel more scattered I hope to be able to go right back to this commitment, and have the reminder and the encouragement that God gave in the beginning. Because, if vision is truly from God it will be established, not wishy-washy, changing all the time.

Commit your works to the LORD,
And your thoughts will be established

Obey- Once there is vision I need to follow with action. Don't loose heart, don't give up. God knows I'm weak! But God will bless! God give me vision, and strength to follow. Enable me by Your Spirit.

So if you decide to join me this week, please share how it is going for you. We can pray for each other. Or, just pray for me, because I need it anyway. Already I feel I have been given a vision, somewhat from God. It's nice to have something specific I know I need to focus on.

All of this sounds great, but I need God to do it in me. God is faithful. He wants to speak to each and ever one of us.

God Bless!

PS does anybody know why I can't get my formatting and font styles to cooperate???

Memories and Seasons

2008-05-31T07:17:00.002-06:00

We had such a great Memorial day. Nothing like spending the day with people you love. The weather was disappointing, but we made the best of it. It turned out to be one of my favorite times spent with friends.

It was a typical Memorial day BBQ, then we went in the backyard and had a fire in their fire pit (this is when the "disappointing" weather actually worked to our benefit) and roasted marshmallows had music.

We may have done typical things but it was such a fun and special day.

It's when you spend the day with those of like minds and hearts, good friends and family, that you realize how truly blessed you are.

Motherhood

2008-05-17T12:09:00.011-06:00

I find in myself, and in listening to others, that in motherhood there is always questioning that goes along with it, or very strong philosophies at any rate. There is a lot of debate over being a career woman, or not, questions over the choices we make for our children, or letting them figure out thing's on their own, so many questions, decisions, and debates about raising our kids and seeking who that makes us as women.

There is one fact I want to express that I feel so passionate about. Though many will disagree, it doesn't actually change truth, even if they think it does.

Your children are eternal beings! There is nothing, not one thing, wrong with making motherhood the first and most important priority in your life if you are a mother! Can there be a higher calling? Oh, what I would give to quit my job (for now, while my kids are still at home), and just live to be their mom! What person in this world (who had a good mom) doesn't remember their mom, even after her death, even while in their own mid-life, and be thankful for her? Thankfulness in remembering how much of a difference she made in their life and how it wouldn't be the same if not for her.

Motherhood is a sacrifice, that's all there is to it! "Sacrifice" is the purpose, and the task of motherhood! (There is great purpose and meaning given also to women who never become mothers, but that topic is for another post. This post is about motherhood today.) That is the very definition of motherhood; laying down your own life for the life of another! One who is needy and helpless, unable to fend for themselves, unable to mature without help, unable to continue to raise up quality future generations without a good foundation from their mother (and father). One who is your very flesh and blood! One who came from you body (most of the time, and even in adoption this still applies)!

What job/career could be more important for a mother? Mothering makes it's mark on the future of our world, and on eternity! It could be a mark for the good or for the bad, but it will make a mark indeed! There is no way to avoid that. It's a lie when this world tells mothers we have to find our identity in something else, and break free of mothering our kids. That's a strong statement- calling it a lie- but I won't back down from it, because it is! It's selfish to have children and spend all those precious fleeting years of raising them trying to run from mothering. It's one thing to have a career and still put your kids first, but it's another when a mother spends her life trying to escape motherhood. Some think the world should applaud her for "breaking free", for "finding herself" etc. Where in the word "mother" does anyone find "self"? If you gave life to another human being, it doesn't end at birth, that is just where it begins. It's a time consuming, sacrificial, self-denying, eternal investment that has greater rewards than anything else I have ever done! Mothers that stick to it, through the thick and thin, mothers who don't give up in seasons of discouragement, mothers who don't run away (literally or emotionally), though it may seem tough and unrewarding at times, those will be the mothers who find those secret moments of reward and joy, and will find later in life that it was all worth it! Their children will grow to be all the better because of it.

There is nothing wrong with a mother wanting to, and following through on, pursuing something in her life that brings meaning, such as a career. But when it becomes a detriment to mothering her kids, it crosses a line. Children do learn good things from mothers who live their life seeking meaning and purpose, as long as their mother doesn't become negligent or absent. Children are the mother's first calling! Period. Every mother who doesn't ignore that calling will not regret it later in life!

I have heard mothers express their regrets, some that had great regrets, and their regrets were about the mistakes they made in raising their kids, or not being there for them the way they now see they should have! The ones with the greater regrets, I have heard them express regretting the neglect or abandonment of their children! I have never, ever, heard a woman say she regretted taking good care of her children, or that she was there for them too much! Some women have real regrets, some have imagined ones, but all motherhood regrets, real or imagined, involve the quality of with which they raised their kids.

I too have my own regrets as a mother. There isn't really a way to not have some regrets as mothers, since none of us are perfect. We shouldn't allow those regrets to beat us up, or to hinder us from allowing the Lord to pick us back up out of that pit and press on. Sitting and wallowing in regrets doesn't change a thing for our kids, who are standing by, waiting for us to mother them. Saying, "Wow, I blew it, I'm very sorry, Lord give me strength." and then getting up and pressing forward to learn from it, and be better mother from that time on is what our kids need.

As Christians we know we will someday stand before our King making account for what we did with the things He entrusted into our care. The decorations in our house, our yearly take home salary, our best clothing, our material possessions, etc etc, will not matter on that day, but the eternal lives of our children will! As mothers, how we cared for the eternal beings He gave us will matter the most.

And who could forget the love, the joy, and the fun of motherhood?!?!

There are careers and other pursuits out there that can be of great eternal value, I know this. I work at Compassion International where there is impact being made around the world on peoples lives for eternity and for future generations! I love this, though I would still set it aside for the time being if I could for the sake of my children, with the few years I have left to raise them, and go back to that job later. Not to give anyone the wrong impression, I'm very thankful for my job, it is needed for me to be a good mother, and since I must work, I can't think of many jobs with more meaning or purpose than this one. So praise GOD for His grace and blessing in my life with this job!

It angers me to hear people in our society talking down on motherhood as though it were some second class job, or a lowly esteemed lifestyle! Most people wouldn't agree with this, I'm sure, but we see so much of it because the media flaunts those things in our face, and there are also more subtle beliefs that are whispered around in our society that tell us these very same things.

I hope that any mother reading this, even if she is in a time of discouragement, will be encouraged, you couldn't have more meaningful task, more purpose filled life, or a better identity in who you are, than in mothering your kids! To those little people, you (and their father) are the greatest person on earth. Those little people will become big ones later, they will make a mark on this world. They will raise future generations. They will make choices that have value. They will live lives that make change in our world. Even as children they are already doing these things. Most importantly, they can become another person to stand before the throne of God and worship Him eternally!

To all mothers or future mothers reading this, remember these things when you are changing your next poopy diaper. Remember it next time you give your child a cup of water. (For whoever gives you a cup of water to drink in My name, because you belong to Christ, assuredly, I say to you, he will by no means lose his reward.) Remember it the next lonely day you have to turn down going to the movies with friends because your child has a fever. Remember it the next time someone tries to tear you down because you spent your day cooking healthy meals to feed your kids instead of living some imagined meaningful life of glamor. Don't believe the lie that motherhood is less than great!

Here is an excerpt from a passage of scripture I see many women cringe at. But on the other hand, should not this passage be an encouragement to us? Shouldn't it compel us to press on when we are changing that dirty diaper, caring for our feverish child, or wearily going to work the day after a sleepless night of dealing with childhood nightmares etc.? This passage wasn't meant to be a club to beat us up with, or make us feel inadequate. But it was meant to be a teacher and guide, to edify us, and to give us strength and joy to press on in doing good as women and mothers. It is to esteem those who meet this calling faithfully. I'm not married, but still find such value in this passage, because it still applies to mothering. For those of you who are married, you have an even greater blessing!

Who can find a virtuous wife? (mother)
For her worth is far above rubies...

She seeks wool and flax,
And willingly works with her hands. (housework, crafts, sewing etc)
She is like the merchant ships,
She brings her food from afar. (shopping, coupon cutting, bargain hunting)
She also rises while it is yet night, (sick children, nightmares, crises coming up at night)
And provides food for her household,
And a portion for her maidservants. (cooking, meal planning, healthy living)
She considers a field and buys it;
From her profits she plants a vineyard. (home business, careers for the sake of the family)
She girds herself with strength,
And strengthens her arms. (physical exercise, spiritual exercise, prayer)
She perceives that her merchandise is good,
And her lamp does not go out by night. (again, work in the home or out)
She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
And her hand holds the spindle.
She extends her hand to the poor,
Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy. (ministry and giving to others)
She is not afraid of snow for her household,
For all her household is clothed with scarlet. (helping to provide & protect through her skills)
She makes tapestry for herself;
Her clothing is fine linen and purple. (beauty and adornment)
Her husband is known in the gates,
When he sits among the elders of the land.
She makes linen garments and sells them,
And supplies sashes for the merchants. (again, work to earn for her family)
Strength and honor are her clothing; (the esteem she receives)
She shall rejoice in time to come. (the reward she receives & gratitude she will have)
She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness. (teaching and life skills she gives)
She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness. (investment in her home life and children)
Her children rise up and call her blessed; (reward)
Her husband also, and he praises her:
“ Many daughters have done well,
But you excel them all.” (sometimes we will have to wait to hear this)
Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised. (we can't do any of this without Him)
Give her of the fruit of her hands,
And let her own works praise her in the gates. (It's all worth it!)

Another True Story

2008-05-14T21:23:00.009-06:00

aftermath

Myanmar

wounded

China

hunger

Haiti

Pray for mercy

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy

True Story

2008-05-14T21:09:00.003-06:00

Tonight my oven broke
This past month my dishwasher has slowly broke,
Last month my daughter's arm broke,
Last year my car broke and broke and broke and broke,
Monday night, during use, my treadmill exploded and caught on fire, hence rendering it... broke,
Also, my lawnmower broke
I'm broke.

I actually find it all kind of... oddly funny?
That's my story and I'm stickin' to it.

My dear friend

2008-05-10T06:34:00.006-06:00

Goodbye Lisa....

I remember our first meeting in the old old cafe, back in 2000, and thinking maybe we could be friends. I didn't realize at that time how great a friendship would grow between us! Nor, how much I would come to love your daughters (3 of whom were not even born yet when we met). I cried like a baby at your send off party last night, I will miss you so so so so much, and I'm very sad! You are one of a few dearest friends of my life.

I am excited for your mission in Mexico and the people that will be reached for Christ through your family! God bless you and your new journey to the harvest you love so much! I will always pray for you and Sean, a whole lot, pray for your mission, and we will stay in touch. A friendship like yours can never be replaced.
So, we will come down to visit you sometime very soon!

Behold, I say to you, lift up your eyes and look at the fields, for they are already white for harvest!

Sweet Search

2008-05-04T08:26:00.021-06:00

Search me, O God, and know my heart;

Try me, and know my anxieties;

And see if there is any wicked way in me
And lead me in the way everlasting.

Last night at Bible study the Lord really moved on my heart.

It actually started Thursday night talking with a little girl who lives in the neighborhood, new believer, about how God knew her since before the foundations of the world. He knew her before He created her and He knows her more than she knows even herself. This concept fascinated her, she didn't understand how God could know her before she existed. I read Psalm 139 to her. When I got to the end and read the words written above, there was a twinge in my heart. This used to be one of my favorite passages in the Bible when I myself was a new believer.

Then, at Bible study last night a man came who was able to lead us in worship with guitar. This Bible study is small and in a friend's home. We usually don't have "live" worship, so this was a treat. He sang a song that has become so familiar over the years, it would be easy to numbly sing out these once heartfelt lyrics.

I'll bring You more than a song
for a song in itself
is not what You have required

You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
Your looking into my heart
I'm coming back to the heart of worship

I thought again of the passage of scripture I had read the other night to the little girl. Search me O' God......know my heart.....You search much deeper within..... Your looking into my heart.....try me and know my anxieties... it's more than a song...

While singing, I thought of a time when I was a new believer. I was so full of excitement and zeal in my new faith! I had read Psalm 139 one day, and loved the ending so much, it became my prayer. I asked God to search my heart, and find the things that needed to be made right in His sight. I prayed He would know me more than I knew myself. I found such comfort in that intimacy with Him. I prayed that all my days He would never cease to search me out. That prayer was so sincere and heartfelt. I even bought a small poster I found that had that very passage on it, and hung on the wall above my bed. At night I would lay in bed, see that poster and ponder those words, and pray over and again that God would always continue to do this in me. My heart would melt and I was so surrendered to Him!

This sweet, sweet memory caused my heart to swell with joy. I remembered that feeling of wonder in my new faith. I remembered the thirst and the hunger. I remembered the joy. I smiled and my heart pounded, what a great memory. "Oh, to go back to those days!" I thought, but then, "What happened? Why did that have to fade? Is it age? Is it some sort of dullness that creeps in over the years of being a believer?"

Overlapping the early memories of praying Psalm 139 so sincerely from my heart, the words from Revelation 2 came to mind, where the Lord told the church "you have left your first love". Back then, I wanted nothing more from life but that God would search me out, and I was an open book for Him. Yes, and I wanted nothing more than to search out God and know His character, to hear His voice and follow Him for the rest of my life. All these memories and thoughts brought me to tears. I sat on that couch and wept, broken right there in my friend's living room. Oh how I love Jesus! " I want to go back, and I want it now!"

God was moving, His spirit filling my heart. I realized in this moment, He was doing just that, searching my heart to the depths of my soul, and revealing these very things to me in order to lead me in a everlasting path. I had long forgotten that prayer I had prayed so many years ago, but God did not forget! And my prayer of 20 years ago had no expiration date, He is still answering it today. He was answering it right there in the middle of that song. I was so thankful! How full of grace and how faithful is my God!

My heart melted once again, surrender took over, and I prayed that prayer again. "Search me God... know my heart.... I'm an open book to You... reveal those things that don't please You, that are not helpful, sin, fear, doubt, hardness of heart, all of that, and lead me down Your path to life everlasting. Restore first love in my heart. Thank You that You promise never to leave me."

I have been a Christian 20 years, and I need Him as much today as I did in 1988. I have not "arrived". But I may have allowed sections of my heart to harden. I may have closed some doors to areas of my life that I consider "mine" (and not God's) and have not allowed Him in. I don't want to do that any more.

We started to sing another song, one that I love, but barely hear sung anywhere. "I will declare the beauty of the Lord, nothing compares to the beauty of the Lord. Jesus Your love, it takes my breath away." I tried to sing along, but my breath was taken away pretty literally. So I sat there soaking it all in. Such simple lyrics, such simple love, so meaningful.

I thought of another verse I'd recently been through; "For the word of God is living and powerful....piercing even to the division of soul and spirit.... and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.". God's word searches out the heart, because His word is alive. By me being in His word He will search me out, and by being in His word I will search Him out.

There is nothing more beautiful, nor more comforting, than knowing God, who searches out the heart and knows me like none other. He fills our lives with His grace and love! He is unchanging, faithful and steady. In that search, truth is revealed, and truth revealed brings hope.

...it is impossible for God to lie, (in that) we might have strong consolation,

who have fled for refuge to lay hold of the hope set before us.
This hope we have
as an anchor of the soul,
both sure and steadfast...

Hebrews 6

Family first

2008-04-13T21:09:00.005-06:00

First broken bone

Trouble

2008-04-13T09:02:00.018-06:00

Are you ever just walking along through your semi-mundane life, minding your own business and doing your best to walk with God, nothing out of the ordinary going on, and then all of a sudden... WHAM... you get knocked right off your feet from behind? I know a lot of people could testify to this.

Oh what a rough week I've had! I feel like I've just been beat up.

It started last weekend with a completely shocking, strange situation with a friend, it came from nowhere..WHAM! Suddenly, I was being falsely accused of something somewhat serious. So I had to deal with that. I prayed a lot over it, it was very painful. I dealt with it best I knew how, face to face with the person involved. I'm not sure it has been completely resolved yet. But I sure was glad to go into work that Monday and get a breather from that. Even though I still had troubles with it as the week went on.

Then, later in the week, WHAM, again, this time at work! A misunderstanding gone out of control, implicating me. WHAT? I'm so confused? How could something like this happen twice in one week from two differing venues in my life? That one is still not resolved, but I'm praying through it and trying to deal with best I know how, face to face with the person involved. "Oh TGIF!!", I was thinking when I walked out the door Friday afternoon!

Well, think again I guess... WHAM... I got knocked off my feet again Friday evening with yet another thing! I'm starting to feel I can't escape no matter which way I turn.

Oh please anyone reading this pray for me. One thing I know, our enemy only comes to steal, kill, and destroy, and this has been quite a week of attacks for me. Do you think I could draw back and re-group?

"These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world." John 16:33

The Rock

2008-03-27T21:01:00.046-06:00

Hear my cry, O God

Attend to my prayer
From the end of the earth I will cry to You
When my heart is overwhelmed
Lead me to the rock that is higher than I
For You have been a shelter for me
A strong tower from the enemy
I will abide in Your tabernacle forever
I will trust in the shelter of Your wings
Selah

There is something about being in God's creation that wholly captures me. The aromas, the peaceful sounds, the coolness of the breeze, the visual beauty. I can close my eyes, enlarging the sounds, and re-open them to a visual delight that can not be matched by a creation made with human hands. There's a lot of outdoor places around here that I visit frequently, all just a short drive away. I even go for an hour after work sometimes. God meets me every time. It's a peaceful escape and I am able to settle in deeply with Him. I love to go and read my Bible without distraction of thoughts, chaos, interruptions or stress. I'm able to pray without thinking about the chores and the errands. What a spiritual retreat. It's great being in Colorado. I love the mountains and we have such quick easy access to them here.

There is something about the mountains that inspires me. They are solid, strong, and constant, beautiful, and enormous. They are full of mysterious- tucked away- secret places. They speak in a whisper, quiet and complicated. They stand mighty through all storms and adversity. They remain unmoved, faithful, and unchanged, but have such diverse displays of beauty each new day and throughout the seasons. They are created by God to declare His majesty.

It reminds me of God's attributes. He also is constant, a strong tower, able to save by His mighty name. He is a secret hiding place, the One I find shelter in. He speaks in a whisper and I know His voice. He knows me like no one else. The greatest comfort of all is knowing I am secure in Him. He is all those things, Holy, immovable, ever faithful, enormous, and unchanging, with matchless beauty. Even if the day comes when the mountains meet their match and fall, or even the earth itself, He will never fail or falter.

The picture above and the slide show below are some pictures I have been taking of the mountains this month. Some are of the view from my work. Again, I'm not a great photographer, so don't expect something profoundly professional looking. Are any of you ready to come visit me yet all you far away people that I miss so much? You should really come and check Colorado out... but no pressure.

This is just for you all my friends

2008-03-20T21:00:00.011-06:00

I have a friend here who put a post titled "Easter Traditions" on her blog today. It's about a fun activity to do with younger kids to teach them about the resurrection of Jesus. When my kids were little we always did the resurrection eggs, but I hadn't ever heard of these Resurrection rolls. They sound so cool! Since so many of you, my friends, have the younger kids, this may be a great thing to do with them this year. I put the link to her blog. Go check it out!

High Heels in High Places

Now if only I had some great idea for a great Easter tradition for teens to get the message across on the deeper level that teens need!
Anyone know of anything?

Palm Sunday

2008-03-19T12:43:00.013-06:00

I love Easter. It's my favorite holiday. I relish the entire week of Easter and take in every moment.

It's called Holy week. That's a good name for it. I wish it could be named something even grander, but it's pretty indescribable, so Holy week will do. People are so accustomed to "Holy week", "Palm Sunday", "Good Friday", "Resurrection Sunday", and "Easter" though. Those terms have become so normal that the meaning and events behind them loose their power and significance. People say it like they are talking about the grocery shopping list or something:
"I'll get a ham (which always cracks me up!) for Easter dinner", "I clipped a lot of coupons this week.","We will attend Holy week services this week." ,"Chicken fryers are on sale.", "Resurrection Sunday services are at 9 and 11.", "The price of cheese went up this week.", "We have Good Friday off work.","Can you put some gas in the car on your way to the store?"... and so on. It looses incredible significance.

I have come to love this "Holy week" celebration, and increasingly so with every year since I first believed. I know others do too, and I understand how easy it is for things to fall into revolving traditions that the center of it all is forgotten. The resurrection of Jesus, and that He has resurrected all who believe- to new and everlasting life- and the events that led up to all of it.

So many significant things that happened that week, and prophesies were fulfilled. Here is one, from the book of Daniel. This prophesy was fulfilled exactly to the day on the original Palm Sunday-the triumphal entry, which we just celebrated last Sunday. It gives chills every time I review these passages!

Daniel 9:24-26
"Seventy weeks are determined
For your people and for your holy city,
To finish the transgression,
To make an end of sins,
To make reconciliation for iniquity,
To bring in everlasting righteousness,
To seal up vision and prophecy,
And to anoint the Most Holy.
Know therefore and understand,
That from the going forth of the command
To restore and build Jerusalem (this became the time of Nehemiah)
Until Messiah the Prince,
There shall be seven weeks and sixty-two weeks;
The street shall be built again, and the wall,
Even in troublesome times.
And after the sixty-two weeks
Messiah shall be cut off, but not for Himself..."

That's the very day Messiah came. Just as it had been prophesied!

Here is the record of it's fulfillment:

Matthew 21:1-2
...Jesus sent two disciples, saying to them, "Go into the village opposite you, and immediately you will find a donkey tied, and a colt with her. Loose them and bring them to Me...."

Matthew 21:7-9
They brought the donkey and the colt, laid their clothes on them, and set Him on them. And a very great multitude spread their clothes on the road; others cut down branches from the trees and spread them on the road. Then the multitudes who went before and those who followed cried out, saying:
"Hosanna to the Son of David!
'Blessed is He who comes in the name of the LORD!'
Hosanna in the highest!"

Luke: 19:39-40
And some of the Pharisees called to Him from the crowd, "Teacher, rebuke Your disciples."
But He answered and said to them, "I tell you that if these should keep silent, the stones would immediately cry out."

I could explain it all, but I'm not good at explaining all the calendar stuff. Get a good Bible teaching about it, because it's amazing!

your courage asked me what I'm afraid of

2008-03-13T21:09:00.001-06:00

Taking a peek in, at her peeking out

2008-03-11T17:30:00.017-06:00

Do you remember days, as a teen, when you felt like this? This is my 16 year old daughter, and the phase of life she is in. I don't even remember taking this picture; I just found it. All I know is I took it in August sometime. Honestly, when I saw this picture tears welled up when I realized how symbolic it is of everything my daughter is growing through right now. Standing anxiously at the window, waiting for life to come around the corner in a souped up sports car.

This past year has been a struggle as my daughter grows so quickly, age surpassing wisdom. I have been resisting and fighting against it with all my might. Where did that little girl go? The little girl who's greatest thrill in life was breaking a Pinata at her birthday, or singing a made up song. That little girl who only wanted to play Little House on the Prairie in the kitchen with mom, or have a pillow fight with her sisters. Now she stands at the window looking out, longing for more than what she is ready for.

She is growing up and time keeps ticking, with no mercy for mothers. I can't stop it. I guess history tells many tales of parents having to loosen their white knuckle grip on their growing kids before they were "ready". Those kids stumble around in the dark for a while, make bad choices, make good ones, suffer consequences, receive reward, get hurt, fall in love, and.... long for more than what they are ready for. Just like my daughter.

She desperately wants to be independent, grown up, making her own rules, driving, dating, no curfew, etc. I know in time, just a couple years, she will be gone. I won't let her go without leaving one last mark on her life! So I will fight. I don't mean I will fight her, but fight the part of life that is coming around the corner for her in a souped up sports car, ready to take her out for a crash and burn.

People have said that it's pointless to try, pointless to put regulations on a child's life at this point, they will do what they want anyway. I can't give up without trying. I love her too much! Sometimes I get through to her, sometimes I don't. I hope for those times I don't that my words will sit like a seed beneath the soil and surface later, just when she needs it.

My daughter is a good kid, so I'm thankful. But sometimes when I look into her eyes I see behind them into her preoccupied soul.

Does she hear my voice, or the many others rambling on around her?

Pray for me as a mom, I need it.

Toto, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore

2008-03-11T15:27:00.007-06:00

This post has no deep or funny point to it. I was just looking through a few pictures I took and forgot about, so I decided to post them.
In Colorado we still get snow storms in the spring, big wet heavy snows that fall fast, pile deep, and by noon the next day have completely melted and flooded all the roads.
After those early spring storms pass we get a lot of thunderstorms all late spring and summer.

Some are normal thunderstorms, but some are so dark and violent it makes the hair stand up on your arm. Some are very dark, quiet and still... and you can feel the electricity in the air... and sense a near lightening bolt about to strike loud and close. It's as though there is a heavy oppression sneaking quietly in, about to attack. Impending doom fills the air, like waiting for a pop-out scene in a scary movie! It almost feels like there should be creepy theme music to along with it. It's fabulous! Unless they call a tornado watch.
See there, I should write a novel huh? LOL. "It was a dark and stormy night...". Don't worry, I won't quit my day job.
It serves as a reminder for me of just how small I really am.

The above pictures are of a small storm that came through my neighborhood last summer, we got just the edge of it. It had some interesting cloud formations so I grabbed my camera.
I wish I had some pictures of a big storm, maybe I will try to get some this year.
When all you, my friends, come to visit me (and Christy) on your road trip I will arrange one of these storms. I will provide the popcorn and soda. hee hee

Forty

2008-03-06T09:25:00.004-07:00

They say life begins at 40 and I've discovered today that they are right! I have been 40 all day today, and it's been the greatest! Who "they" is I still don't know, but "they" are right.
This is my new beginning... I'm excited about what's to come! Yea!
I thought I would be bummed, but you know, I'm not, I'm really excited.
Everybody say "happy birthday!"
Amen!

Italian food with me in Colorado

2008-03-02T15:56:00.016-07:00

This is just for you my friend, Jeanine.
(in case you ever read my blog)

Saying a big thank you for showing me the error of my ways a few years back. Instead of scorn and shame, or pretentious flattery, and in the spirit of true friendship, you delivered me from canned spaghetti sauce, no matter how much it hurt to tell me!! Then you taught me the better path by giving me your recipe for homemade sauce. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, and now we eat a lot better around here!

Above is the new logo in my kitchen

Below is the yummy sauce I now know how to make!
Canned sauce has been canned.

Most of the time I make those fantastic meatballs, but this night I made Italian Sausage meat sauce.

Here, pretend you are over to my house for dinner, eat this and enjoy! (oh yeah, and while your at it, pretend I have nice dishes and flatware too! hehe)

This picture turned out bad, but the dinner was good!

Signed,
Almost Italian now
PS I'm sure it's 10 times better when you make it.

Running Errands with me in Colorado

2008-03-01T14:02:00.013-07:00

This is just for you Mra-mia!
(inside joke silliness)
hee hee (we are going to King Soopers in Colorado)
Remember when we used to go shopping together in Oregon?

Ugly, huh?
Inside Store (now we are shopping in Colorado)

Typical grocery store
View outside (now we are leaving the store)

View from Parking lot (now we are going back to the car)

There I took you to King Soopers with me- just like you wanted. HA!!

Afterward I thought it would be nice to take you to a Colorado Starbucks (this one is in a run down part of town here)

Have a seat and enjoy your White Mocha and the view

And enjoy my company

So grab your friends and take your road trip to visit me! please! please! please!
Colorado is much prettier than these pictures of course. If you come for real I will show you the pretty parts of Colorado too! hehehe
Until then I guess this will have to do.

2008-02-28T20:26:00.003-07:00

Last month Compassion International won the MySpace Impact award, which was good news. Today I got a newsletter email from MySpace, where it was mentioned that Compassion International won the award for last month.

Here is a copy of of Compassion International's mission statement word for word:
Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name
In response to the great commission, Compassion International exists as an advocate for children, to release them from their spiritual, economic, social and physical poverty and enable them to become responsible and fulfilled Christian adults.

It was great that MySpace featured Compassion on their website and gave them this award.

But, today in the email newsletter from myspace, next to where it mentioned Compassion International as the winner of last months award, it had a Compassion Icon to click and said these words:
The votes are in and the winner is Compassion International!
Compassion International exists as a child advocacy ministry that releases children from economic, social and physical poverty and enables them to become responsible, fulfilled adults.

What happened to Jesus? Myspace misplaced Him. Let me fill in the blanks
Releasing children from poverty in Jesus' name
In response to the great commission,
(releasing from) spiritual (poverty)
(become fulfilled) Christian (adults)

Since Jesus (with his love, care, and compassion) is the reason why we exist, the one we exist to honor in response to His call and His love, the one who enables us by His Spirit to do what we do, and since we are not ashamed of that, I just wondered why these were left out? The only parts that were changed and edited were the parts that explain our faith and purpose in Jesus.

Hmmmm...

A view from above

2008-02-23T13:22:00.006-07:00

In March, not only will I celebrate my 40th birthday, but also my 20th anniversary to being saved and becoming a Christian, not sure what day it is, but I know it's in March.

This is a monumental year for me, and it's caused me a lot of reflection.

The title of this post is a good description of the prayers that have been prevalent in my heart this past month as I realize I approach two significant landmarks for my life. In the Old Testament there are stories recorded where God instructed people to create a memorial of significant events so that the testimony of God's work in those places would leave a mark and could be told to their children, and their children (for one example read Joshua chapter 4). While God's Word encourages us to look forward and press on (Philippians 3:13-15), we also see that God cares for making significant memories and times of reflection to the past. Not to dwell and get stuck there, but for the purpose of seeing an entire painting that was being created over time, rather than just the little brush stroke we saw a few years back. The reason for memorials is to bring God glory, to testify to Him, and for others to marvel at His works, His character and grace. Also, to implant the knowledge of the holiness of God in the hearts of men, so that they could come to know the fear of the Lord. To say that He is a big God is an understatement. He also is a personal God Who works in each life with such detail that it's beyond what our minds can fathom. Sometimes He is working in such small details we don't even notice He is there until later. And so, He is a big God working in big way, and who also works in small things. Building memorials was a tradition carried on in the Old Testament days to mark God's work in those lives, the same as God wants to mark His work and His love on our hearts today! Every time God's people passed a pile of stones, they would glance on it and remember the power of God and the things that He did in that place and they would tell others the story. Every time God marks our lives today, His purpose is to do the same.

As I said I have been reflecting lately and have come to realize how much God has brought me through. I memorialize through writing, so this is my memorial.

I think I've mentioned before one of my favorite modern day lyricists is Nichole Nordeman, and this is the perfect place to mention how the lyrics to one of her songs so perfectly captures what my recent prayers and reflections have been all about. This song describes my life perfectly. Here are some excerpts:

Oh, great God, be small enough to hear me now
There were times when I was crying
From the dark of Daniel's den
And I have asked you once or twice
If you would part the sea again
But tonight I do not need a fiery pillar in the sky
Just want to know You're gonna hold me if I start to cry
There have been moments when I could not
Face Goliath on my own
And how could I forget we've marched around
our share of Jericho's?
But I will not be setting out a fleece for You tonight
Just want to know that everything will be alright
All praise and all the honor be
To the God of ancient mysteries
Whose every sign and wonder turn the pages of our history
And I know you could leave writing on the wall
Thats just for me
Or send wisdom while I'm sleeping,
Like in Solomon's sweet dreams
But I don't need the strength of Samson
Or a chariot in the end
Just want to know that You still know how many hairs
are on my head
Oh great God, be small enough to hear me now

Is that ever profound? Yesterday, at my lunch break at work I went out to my car to be alone for a while. I had my stereo on and this song came on. Already feeling reflective it hit me how much this describes my life.

God has brought me through some tough stuff! The long journey that led to my becoming a single mother was agonizing. It was indeed stuff like crying out for God in the dark of Daniel's den, or facing the Giant Goliath with only a sling and a few small stones. God was so faithful in those times with strength and power that both held me up in battle, and delivered me from it. The amazing thing to me is, these tough times in my life were long and sometimes, I felt, never ending. Sometimes at night when the kids were sleeping I would often quite literally cry out to God, wondering if I could make it another day.

But time went on and years passed me by, and quietly, life slowly settled down more and more. It was so subtle I didn't even notice it was happening. Nothing like Jesus standing up on a boat full of frightened fisherman and saying "peace be still", and in an instant the storm was gone. For me it was like one day I realized that there was peace in my life again and I didn't know when it had happened.

Today's life trials don't compare to those years. They are much smaller, and far less painful. But my need for God hasn't changed a bit. Sometimes I get sad because so many of the people I love are now all so far away from me. Sometimes I feel lonely here on this earth raising three kids by myself. Sometimes I am weary of working. Sometimes I am worried about my children. Many "small" things along these lines. Do you think God doesn't care or work in those small things with the same measure as He did when I was in those dark stormy times? I don't believe so. He is the same God, unchanging.

I'm very thankful to have peace in my life at this time. I'm blessed to have grown and learned so much. And I would not know or love God with the depth I do today had it not been for everything He allowed me to go through yesterday. It sounds strange to say, but I wouldn't change a thing in my life. God in His sovereignty knew exactly what He was doing with me. I know today something that I struggled to remember then, I can trust God with my entire life!

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living.
Wait on the LORD;
Be of good courage,
And He shall strengthen your heart;
Wait, I say, on the LORD!
Psalm 27

Parenting acrobatics

2008-02-19T22:10:00.003-07:00

Parenting teenagers (single parenting teenagers) is probably the most challenging things I have ever done as a mom!

This is what my "mom of teenagers business card" would say if I had one...

Name: "huh?"
Title: licensed single parent of teens
license number: pushing 40
Doing business: 17 years
established in 1991
Services provided:
Being really mean
making rules just to ruin your life
being in all places at all times
Ninja chopping boys from great distances
confiscating stuff
managing school careers
sports manager
events coordinator
chauffeur
Night watchman
teen-talk/English bilingual translator
mind reading
personal maid
cook
accountant
fashion consultant
Myspace account monitor
bodyguard
private investigator
personal counseling and spiritual mentoring
driver education
fall-guy
specialized equipment and training:
Money tree
Eye lasers
extra tough titanium heart
Teflon coated back (for things to roll off easier)
black belt in backtalk martial arts
feigning extra low intelligence
sleep deprivation
magic
stealth love
truth serum
food
more food
lots of food
backup food
replacement food

There has to be a reward at the end of all this.
Please just throw me a little bone!

Hope

2008-02-02T11:11:00.000-07:00

Below are the sweet children my family sponsors! It's so much fun, we write letters to them and send them pictures and gifts. They write me too. Though we have never met face to face, we know each other and we pray for each other. Mother-like pride rises up in me each time I get their letters or glance at their pictures.

My newest little boy below is from Columbia. He is five and is being raised by his grandparents. There is poverty in his town, unemployment, sickness, crime, corruption, and violence. He doesn't get a say in what kind of a world he wants to grow up in. I don't know him very well yet, but am enjoying the new relationship. This seems silly but sometimes I pray he will grow to be like the next Billy Graham for his country or something like that. Really, who knows, but maybe God has big plans for this little boy!

1 Samuel 2:8
He (the Lord) raises the poor from the dust and lifts the beggar from the ash heap, to set them among princes and make them inherit the throne of glory.

Here is the first child I sponsored, starting in 2001. From Thailand, She is 14 now, going to school and healthy. Her family used to live in a little one room broken hut with a leaky roof. Education for their children was not an option. Now they have a much better house, still modest compared to what we are used to, but solid, clean, dry, and larger. Desperation leading to prostitution of young girls her age, and younger, is a large part of the society there. But, she is going to school, praise God.

Job 5:15 - 16
But He saves the needy from the sword, from the mouth of the mighty, and from their hand. So the poor have hope, and injustice shuts her mouth.

Below, our ten year old girl in Tanzania is an orphan. Both her parents died shortly after we started corresponding with her, back in 2003. The first letter I ever received from her was grievous as she (at the time only a 5 year old little girl) explained to us the then recent news of both her parents death within 3 months of each other. Now she lives with her elderly aunt as her guardian in a very poor community where AIDS is rampant. But she is joyful, and her letters are so playful and uplifting. In each one she teaches me the lyrics to a new song that she likes to sing at school and church.

Psalm 82:3
Defend the poor and fatherless; Do justice to the afflicted and needy.

Our last girl, below, lives in Honduras, she is 16. She draws incredible pictures that she sends with her letters. She loves Jesus and shares with the people all around her. Once her and a friend even went door to door to tell everyone about the hope they have in Christ. In her community there is a lot of poverty, alcohol and drug abuse combined with domestic violence. In her town people feel they are not valued and have no worth. She once expressed that she knew that God loves people like royalty and she wanted everyone to know that.

Psalm 74:21
Oh, do not let the oppressed return ashamed! Let the poor and needy praise Your name.

I love these kids and am privileged to be a part of their lives.

Compassion International

Exodus 15:2
The Lord is my strength and song, and He has become my salvation; He is my God, and I will praise Him; My father’s God, and I will exalt Him.

Congratulate me

2008-01-20T16:01:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just realized in 2007 I have broken my 4 year record of getting one speeding ticket a year. I got zero speeding tickets in 2007! Must be budget cuts on traffic police.

Grateful

2008-01-19T13:11:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been so overwhelmed with gratitude that it seemed like time just stood still in that moment for as long as you wanted to hold it? Gratitude so powerful that even the motion of your lungs drawing air seemed to cease? Floods of emotion causing a pressing down, deep in your soul? It's a gift you are surprised with, a sudden unexpected flash in time where thankfulness grabs you with such force that in that second, which stretches for hours, you are humbled to speechlessness. Words fail. Those are the best moments in life! Do whatever it takes to never forget.

I have had such moments, ones I occasionally look back on and will cherish forever. So many that there is no way I could tell them all.

I will share one moment like this. I thought of it this morning. It was shortly after moving into my house a year ago. My first house, which God provided to my children and I through Habitat for Humanity.

Some background: Years of renting, moving around, and dealing with cramped and often run down apartments had wearied not only my body and spirit, but also my bank account. Then we qualified for this house through Habitat. I spent 9 months preparing, working sweat equity hours helping to build my own house. It was a long haul between a full time job and having to meet the quota of hours required, but the whole time I couldn't wait to have a home for my girls! Habitat sells homes to low income families that are struggling with their current living conditions in some way. They sacrifice any profit they could make by selling the homes at cost, instead of market value. Their loans are free from interest. Without a program such as theirs I would not own my own home today, because there is no way I could have done it the conventional way.

Back to my flash in time: I had moved in to our new home with my daughters and had made maybe 2 or 3 of my first mortgage payments by this time. My neighbor (also a new Habitat home owner) had just moved in next door. For whatever reason we had seen each other and started talking about something or other outside in my front yard, facing my house. The conversation was on the topic of our new homes, but I don't remember specifically what. The sun was setting behind my back, reflecting off of, and lighting up the clouds to the east in pink bursts of flames. Underneath that glowing sky, there sat my house- fully in my vision- the windows glowing with light and warmth............ and inside I could see my daughters moving about................. and I knew that in that house, a gift from God to us, abundant life was happening.

Then it happened, that unexpected flash flood surprise of gratitude came washing over me and I sucked it into my lungs and held my breath, never wanting to let go of that moment. I said not a word to my neighbor who standing there waiting for me to continue the conversation, but instead I stood frozen in time, staring at all that had consumed my view, taking in the wordless thoughts of gratitude. After a moment and swell of emotion... I choked out some words. Changing the subject, I swallowed hard and said "Do you realize how much God has cared for us?!?." It's like she got exactly what I was saying, like she was living that same moment. She said "yes" and all conversation ceased for a few seconds.

There are not words to describe the way I know God has poured out His love and care for me and how thankful I am. I don't just believe it, it's more than faith, it's knowledge. I know it, I am deeply acquainted with it. Telling me that God doesn't love me, and hasn't cared for me would be like telling a person who was hit by a truck that there is no such thing as a truck!

Oh how I could go on, and if I did, like an old hymn expresses- it would take all the ink in the world and the sky would have to be my scroll! If one could read all those words, the testimony of them would produce no doubt that God exists. He created each of us with purpose and love. He cares for us completely, in Him there is no lack. His provision is perfect, fitting each of our lives like a glove, or like that snowflake from an earlier blog of mine, no two lives alike in Him. Even in pain He works and makes good for those who put their trust in Him. There are things I have been through that seemed to produce no good at the time... and how I complained- in retrospect I must now withdrawal those statements of discontent, and say nothing- unless to praise my God!

I waited patiently for the LORD;
And He inclined to me,
And heard my cry.
He also brought me up out of a horrible pit,
Out of the miry clay,
And set my feet upon a rock,
And established my steps.
He has put a new song in my mouth—
Praise to our God;
Many will see it and fear,
And will trust in the LORD.
Blessed is that man who makes the LORD his trust,
And does not respect the proud, nor such as turn aside to lies.
Many, O LORD my God, are Your wonderful works
Which You have done;
And Your thoughts toward us
Cannot be recounted to You in order;
If I would declare and speak of them,
They are more than can be numbered.
Psalm 40

Indulgence

2008-01-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

Here is a song we made up at work today.
History behind this inspiration:
I was going into a meeting, and bringing my very light and healthy tossed salad with grilled chicken breast and oil and vinegar dressing. The three girls in the meeting admired my salad. I told them I had to get back to eating good again after the Christmas season. I always have a little trouble over the holidays, and it has not gotten too badly out of hand this year yet, so I wanted to repent from overeating before I paid a really bad price. At that moment, without thinking, I quietly sang out (under my breath)...
"On the first day of Christmas the holidays gave to me..... a really dimply booooooooty" On that note my co-workers busted up laughing and then one of them sang out "on the second day of Christmas the holidays gave to me two jiggly thighs, and a really dimply boooooooty".
Well then it was all over!! We laughed so hard and decided we had to finish the song! So we had our meeting and then on the break time we wrote up the entire song... here it is. You have to sing it (remember, backwards), it's funnier.

"My Lack of Self Control over Christmas Gave to Me" (or could be titled "The Twelves Days of Christmas... Indulgence Gave to Me"

One really dimpled booty
Two jiggly thighs
three double chins
four belt holes loosened
five rings resized!!!!!!
six aerobic classes
seven embarrassing photos
eight jeans outgrown
nine blind dates a’running
ten toes a'bloating
eleven relatives laughing
twelve stretch marks stretching

HEE HEE!!

There is a time and place for celery

2008-01-07T20:39:00.000-07:00

At work we keep a list of random quotes that are overheard when the rest of the conversation is not heard or explained, and/or taken out of context. Here is our list so far, each one is from a different conversation.

1. Sarah said "Your head is very proportionate"
2. Doug said "There is a time and place for celery"
3. Sam said "Did you just say people smell?"
4. Sarah said "I don't make mistakes at work.... or in life"

There are more I will add them to this list later, so check back on this list.
Update, Here is the rest:

12/12/07—Jennifer—“Well you don’t want your baby trippin’ out in your womb or anything like that.”
12/12/07—Sarah—“I’m just training….on the floor…."
12/14/07—Jennifer—“And then Brandon continued to talk…." I responded—“Like Peter…he continued to talk… and then Jesus called him Satan."
12/17/07—Jennifer—“My tummy looks like a little pumpkin."
12/14/07—Sam—“How did you get in there, with your raptor claws??”
12/20/07—Sarah—“Coffee doesn’t taste right after eating banana.”
12/20/07—Me—“Yep, I’m squeaky shoe.”
01/04/08—Lorrie—“There’s nothing better than eating something that could eat you.”
01/07/08—Sam—“I’m a thug.”
01/07/08— Chelsea —“My cousin Charlie has a wolf-beard. He’s really hairy. HE IS!”

LOL LOL!!!
LOVE that last one!! hehehehe

Being Mom

2008-01-06T12:42:00.000-07:00

"Mom" is the best job on the planet! Look at these beautiful creatures! The thing about mom is, you don't get paid, and you work to the bone... but I am not complaining, because some rewards in life are far better than money and benefits!
My daughters.....
One a social butterfly, magnetic
One thoughtful and deep
One charming and sweet
Each unique
I am so proud and eternally grateful for this calling of mom, and for my lovely children!

Mary's Song

2008-01-05T12:33:00.000-07:00

My Soul Magnifies the Lord,
And my spirit has rejoiced in God my Savior.
For He has regarded the lowly state of His maidservant;
For behold, henceforth all generations will call me blessed.
For He who is mighty has done great things for me,
And Holy is His name.
And His mercy is on those who fear Him
From generation to generation
He has shown strength with His arm;
He has scattered the proud
in the imagination of their hearts.
And exalted the lowly.
He has filled the hungry with good things,
And the rich He has sent away empty.
He has helped His servant Israel,
In remembrance of His mercy,
As He spoke to our fathers,
To Abraham and to his seed forever."

I know Christmas is over, but Mary's words -uttered in praise to her God- speak truth all year round.

Also, as a side note, Nativity Story (2006) is the best Biblical movie ever made!

Domo Arigato

2008-01-03T20:48:00.001-07:00

Since Google doesn't let me down, I thought I would make this silly, meaningless, tribute...and because I'm in an aimlessly goofy mood...

Anything that can be done, Google does better
and
Google does everything better than you

These lyrics from the 1980's Styx song can now be applied to Google
Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto,
Thank you very much, Mr. Roboto
For doing the jobs that nobody wants to
hee hee, har har har, hee har har....

Enjoy the simple things

2007-12-30T13:04:00.000-07:00

I collect things from around the world. It's a fantastic hobby!

(above from Columbia)
Before I go off telling long-winded stories of all my adventurous world travels (describing them as though everyone leads this lifestyle), followed by a meaningful and outlandish story behind some ancient and highly valued artifact I stumbled on while rafting the Nile through uncharted territory-with a guide who has a bone through his nose, let me clarify... I have never left this continent... unless you want to count Catalina Island.
But I do have a collection of cool stuff from around the world. I know people that travel a lot and I've gone to sales where things from around the world are sold. I buy all the little insignificant things that are affordable, but lovable! I keep my international collections in my office. Right now I have a different shelf dedicated to display things from each continent.
One day I want make my whole office to be an international theme... world maps (antique) on the walls, and globes (nice ones), all my collected items all over the room, from everywhere, with atlases and interesting world travel and culture magazines on the shelves, a wall hanging or two... and maybe some pictures taken of me and my daughters on a trip we were able to take somewhere (someone else will take these pictures)
I can't wait to meet all the people if I ever do go somewhere. For now, I'm a plain ol' single mom.... so I try to enjoy the simple things in life....
These (below) are from Kenya, Tanzania, and Rwanda
(disclaimer: I'm no photographer)

I like his feet!

Sometime I'll put more pictures of my collections.

Tiny, forgotten glory

2007-12-15T11:43:00.000-07:00

Look at this photograph, taken of an actual snowflake before it melted away forever, never to be copied again. This is a scientific example of crystals and how they form. In thinking about the beautiful results of the formation of crystals to begin with (meaning the very "creation or invention" of the crystal itself) and in looking at things like this tiny snowflake, which have thoughtful, detailed design.....how can there not be a God who intelligently, and with purpose, created all things???

Leftovers

2007-12-15T10:23:00.000-07:00

I love cooking! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!
Here is something strange about me, when I cook, I don't like to waste anything (with the exception trimming fat and sometimes skin). Its crazy. I have to scoop up everything when I chop, like I can't leave that little leftover teaspoon worth of chopped onions on the cutting board. LOL. I use the leftover elements of my cooking for other parts of the recipe, or other recipes. I use the bones, the juices, the drippings, the remaining flour I used for coating, etc. I use leftover meats for salads, soups, or casseroles the next day (I know this is a gross blog, but my cooking is always good). I use the leftover herb, oil, seasoning, rubs to coat the potatoes, pasta, or rice I use for the side dish. I even use a scraper to get every last drop that is coated on the bowl, or jar, etc. into my recipe. Some vegetable peelings, stems, leaves and end pieces help to make a great stock, and I rarely peel potatoes.
I feel like I have failed in life if I have to throw stuff away (well ok, maybe not life, but at least in the kitchen)! Or maybe it's more like a challenge to see if I can use it all! LOL LOL it makes me laugh and laugh. I think its a deep seeded obsession that has it's roots in my childhood or something. hehehehe I know, it's sick! I'm a sick sick woman! **sigh**

My kids are accustomed to hearing things like "DON'T throw away those bones! I'll make soup!!!"

No, I'm not Martha Stewart.

2007-12-11T22:03:00.001-07:00

I love what the random question on my profile asks....my answer....

If mud is dirt plus water, what is clay?

My heart in the hands of my Maker

2 Corinthians 4:5-7
For we do not preach ourselves, but Christ Jesus the Lord, and ourselves your bondservants for Jesus' sake. For it is the God who commanded light to shine out of darkness, who has shone in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.

Snowy nights dream

2007-12-08T19:38:00.000-07:00

It's been snowing for 24 hours here, just a light, silent, gentle snow. It's a perfect "Christmas time" snow. I spent the day shut up in the house, it's very cold. Did some cooking... all the things I love to do on snowy days. I didn't want to go out, the roads are very bad, but my daughter had a game to cheer. I kept hoping they would cancel but they didn't.
Driving around town after dark the snow was falling, heavily, but still soft. The purpose of tonights snow is just to be beautiful and coat every tree branch and pine needle like a little sock. It's motive is to enchant the soul with peace and wonder. I loved driving around town, the Christmas lights on all the houses, even those, each little light covered with snow. Every detail is attended to, no small thing is left uncoated. The snow keeps falling persistently, but doesn't invade, only quietly, like it feels no one should even notice it presence.
I ran home and took my camera out. Taking pictures... this is where my urge to express and the expression itself conflict. These are also the times I wish I lived in an older neighborhood with more trees. Don't take the pictures to be an accurate depiction of the experience I just had, nor the striking scene my neighbors and I are enjoying right now
But it is beautiful, and the walk around my neighborhood was quiet.... like sound doesn't even exist. How is is that that happens in the snow? Does snow absorb sound? I just took a walk through fairy land. Snows this beautiful don't happen every time. It's so extra Christmas-y out right now I could BURST!

My first blog??

2007-12-08T17:49:00.001-07:00

Ok, so here it goes, my first blog. Yeah, I'm way behind on stuff in life. My friend will not leave me alone until I blog, and so far it's kind of fun. My spot is a mess right now, but I will work on fixing it up. I love to write, love love love it! Question is, do people care to actually read what I write? Well there is nothing here forcing anyone to read what I write so that's a good thing. I will post stuff here that I write or have written... older stuff from a while ago, newer stuff when I get inspired. I can't write at all when I'm not inspired.
That's enough for now.